Speech Feature: Destiny Spoken by Nathaniel Tolentino

Destiny spoken – Truth Revealed

I think most people my age have a similar conception about their grandfathers. Distant, silent and mysterious. Yet in my mum’s family – consisting of 7 brothers and 7 sisters - he was revered, respected and feared. To me he was all that plus more.  He had spoken about my destiny. 

My grandfather was in the army but then later settled to be a coffee farmer high up in the mountains of Quezon province. I was about 3 or 4 years old when I had first memory of him. My mother had taken us – my elder sister and my older brother - to his farm. 

Early in the morning just after the first rooster crows, I would sense people moving about, seemingly going about their daily early morning task. I would sleep and later wake up to the aroma of burning firewood and roasted coffee mixing with the cool air sweetened by the nocturnal left over scent of the coffee flowers. It was breakfast time – when all adults were required to sit at the long table and share coffee. As a child, I watched my grandfather drink his coffee and later on disappear into the dark, past the thick foliage and into the farm. With the early morning sound of crickets and frogs and in the absence of the early morning sun, I sink back into oblivion. 

I think it was late in the afternoon when my grandfather returned from tilling the land. This time, I assume he had rested. He had seemingly shifted his attention from to the  coffee shrubs to me. He nodded and acknowledged me. 

BnT toasts History

Last July 26, Butter n Toast held their 2nd meeting for the term with the theme, HISTORY.

The night featured historic icebreaker speeches from Josephine Iringan and Nathaniel Tolentino, a challenging table topics segment led by Kathleen Go, and the usual fun and learning filled evaluation portion guided by our LTG for Education, Ms. Katrina Letargo. Ms. Shani Tan also made her debut as toastmaster of the evening.

As was befitting the theme, this meeting included the induction of the new members of the club.

The night also commemorated the discharging of last term's BnT officers, and the charging of the new set of officers for this term. 

The outgoing officers led by Pres. Jazz Encarnacion. 

BnT's Incoming Officers led by Pres. Alvin Abrantes. 

The next Butter N Toast meeting will be on Thursday, Aug 9, 2012, and the meeting theme will be MUSIC. Join us! Reserve your seats with Ed - 09189399294.

BNT Toastmasters Club invites you to 24 Nov Meeting

7 Things You Missed at Nov 10 Meeting

1. Engaging table topics of Ed Ebreo
2. Heartening icebreaker speech of Kat Go
3. Captivating story of Joco Magalong
4. Exciting vocal variety speech of Jess Nemis
5. Instructive evaluation of Ana Herrera, Jazz Encarnacion, Jeck Maog, & Pat Pascua
6. Highly enriching evaluation of Gege Sugue
7. Impressive performance of Owen Cruz as GE-General Evaluator (his debut)

What made this meeting unforgettable? Speakers 'got really personal' with their storytelling, which was perfect for the theme "INTERpersonal Intelligence."

In our next meeting, we feature Howard Gardner's 6th Multiple Intelligence (MI)--
"INTRApersonal Intelligence." And you can't miss it this time! See you at the Butter N Toast (BNT) Toastmasters Club Meeting on November 24, Thursday, 7pm, at the Function Room A of Makati Stock Exchange (MSE), Ayala Avenue, Makati City--Alvin Abrantes, VP for Membership

The Shaper and the Shaped

Speech No. 3 - Manage and Motivate

Advance Communication Manual - Speeches by Management

Time: 10-12 minutes

The Shaper and the Shaped

by Gege C. Sugue

image from http://www.andthengod.com/?p=35

Because we want our members to develop their skills in a warm, motivating, learning environment, MENTORING is key. And tonight, I want to encourage you all to become mentors.

So, let’s talk about mentoring.

And I’d like to use this thing (showing object) to help me talk about mentoring.

Take a look at this. This is a piece of pottery. It may look rather simple. Pretty perhaps, but the craftsmanship leaves much to be desired. But to me this is a special piece. Why? Because I made this piece. Yes, I took a piece of shapeless clay, flattened it, cut it into an oval, used a real leaf to imprint the veins and details, trimmed the edges and folded them to form this tiny bowl. To me, it’s a work of art. It is something I’m proud of. I shaped this thing myself.

In a pottery workshop in Batangas, I was taught by a master potter to make pottery. The artist’s name is Ugu Bigyan, arguably the best and most renowned potter in the country. His works, though functional, are considered art, and they are used and displayed in many parts of the world.

I have admired his work for many years ever since I visited his home and workshop in Quezon. And one day, I had the chance to learn from him.

And do you know what I discovered in that pottery workshop?

Pottery is hard. It’s horribly hard. I have to admit that it came as a surprise to me. I came into that workshop somehow thinking that it would be a bit like child play. You know, playing with clay like we used to as children. How hard could that be? But as I tried to create shapes, as I tried to translate my artistic vision into beautiful art pieces, I discovered that making shapes out of clay was hard. Play-doh and clay are not the same things. The clay was not responding the way I wanted to. It kept on drying up. And dried up clay cracks, and so when it cracks, you have to throw away that piece of misshapen clay and start anew. It was frustrating.

But eventually, I managed to create this. One whole day in the pottery workshop, and this is what I have to show for it. But I took home more than this piece; I took home a few lessons. Lessons that can apply to the art and skill of mentoring.

I learned that pottery takes time. The same thing goes for mentoring. I was frustrated that I could not create the pottery pieces I wanted to. But I realized that I was trying to rush through the learning. Ugu Bigyan and other potters took years to master their art. They had to take lessons; some took courses in ceramic engineering, then they had to first become apprentices, and then they spent the rest of their lives working to hone their craft.

It takes time. Just like mentoring takes time. One cannot expect a protégé to change overnight. One cannot expect to reap results if one does not invest time teaching, coaching, giving feedback. Working with clay is not about instant gratification. Some projects take days or weeks to complete. To mentor somebody takes months. Toastmasters International recommends that a mentor helps his protégé for at least the first 3 speeches. But in BnT, we recommend you mentor your protégé until he completes his 10 basic speeches, and maybe even beyond. Take the time. Find the time. Spend the time wisely together with your protégé.

Pottery takes skill. Maybe our idea of pottery is what we saw in the movie Ghost with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. But it’s so much more than that. Pottery is not a sexy thing. It’s dirty, sweaty, back breaking work. A good potter needs to know a variety of techniques. The potter needs to understand the raw materials and processes; he has to have a working knowledge of chemistry and physics. A potter’s hands have to be trained through years of experience how to work with clay and water. To press, pull, squeeze in just the right way so that the clay becomes malleable, so it doesn’t dry up and crack the way my pottery attempts did. It takes skill acquired only through study and experience.

As a mentor you have to have the skill to mentor. And you have to have the skills and knowledge to share with your protégé. To be a mentor in Toastmasters, you must be a skilled communicator and leader. Nobel laureate Romain Rolland said, “If a man is to shed the light of the sun upon other men, he must first of all have it within himself.” How can you mentor somebody on public speaking if you have not delivered speeches? How can you coach somebody to be a leader, when you have not taken officer roles or meeting roles? Pottery, as well as mentorship, does not rely on lucky accidents. It takes skill.

Pottery takes heart. I discovered in that workshop that pottery is not just a mechanical skill. At first, while I was playing with my clay, I was chatting with the people with me, or marveling at the sights in the venue. And that wasn’t working. I discovered that in pottery, as your hands shape the clay, you have to be sensitive to it, connect to it, feel it, commune with it, be part of it. At some point, I had to close my eyes, to let the clay speak to me. And I don’t mean that in a new agey, mystical way. I really had to listen to the clay tell me how I can shape it. A potter shapes the clay not just with his hands, but with his heart and soul as well. Same thing with mentorship. A mentor is not there to dictate, to tell, to teach. A mentor is there to listen. To connect. To ask. To learn. To resist the urge to shape somebody according to one’s selfish agenda. A mentor needs empathy. And patience. A mentor needs to suspend judgment and silence the ego and let his protégé lead the process. At some point, when you’ve invested the time and shared the skills, you become friends.

My experience in mentoring here in Toastmasters did not turn out to be the way I expected it to be. I have had the kinds of protégés who have great ideas and the ability to communicate their ideas. There’s Faye, who’s a much better, more experienced writer than I am; she hardly needs to be coached in speech writing. And then there’s April, who has imagination, and can weave words to describe a noche buena feast that had this audience salivating. I felt pretty useless at times, because they didn’t need me to check their speeches. They didn’t need the grammar pulis to add to the perfection of their speeches. So I had to close my eyes and listen to connect, and when I did, I heard Faye tell me she needed mentoring in leadership, and that’s an area where I hope to lead by example, because I’ve been an officer of BnT a number of times now. And for April, we’ve taken mentorship on a different level. For two weeks now, we’ve been working on some marketing plans for ExeQServe. And I had the opportunity to share what I knew about marketing.

And two weeks ago, I agreed to mentor our new member, LJ. New clay. I’m not sure how she will shape up. From what I’ve seen of her feisty personality, I can see that she’s not going to conform to my lazy, easy idea of a pliable protégé. But I’m willing to invest the time. It won’t be easy. I know that mentorship takes time. It takes skill. And it takes heart.

But I keep on talking about what it takes to be a mentor.

That’s just half of the story. The story is about give and take.

Yes, it takes a lot to mentor. But mentoring gives something back. There are rewards. After a frustrating day of shaping clay, I took this home with me. And this now sits on a shelf by my bedside. I use it as a receptacle for earrings or coins or little objects that I set aside when I empty my jeans pockets. And sometimes when I see it, it makes me smile, that this pretty little thing was shaped by my hands, my eyes, my heart.

But this, this is just an inanimate object that gives me joy. It surely does not match with the joy of mentoring a person. To see somebody of flesh and blood develop in front of your eyes. When Jonathan faltered in his speech and gave up on his first try, and then eventually and bravely delivered the full speech again, I was in awe of Jonathan’s transformation. In his speech about the eagle, he soared like an eagle. But I also knew that the mentor beneath his wings was Ed Ebreo, who gave him the encouragement and practical advice he needed to try again.

When I heard the story of Johnson who rescued his mentor Sheila when she had a vehicular accident, I was inspired and made the conclusion that Sheila must be doing something right as a mentor.

Mentoring has its rewards – the satisfaction of knowing you made a difference, the recognition when somebody acknowledges your contribution, the joy of being part of somebody’s transformation.

There's a line from a Persian poem, “Who is the potter, pray, who is the pot?” Allow me to rephrase that in a line that speaks about mentoring: Who is the shaper, and who is the shaped? That day when I was a potter, a potter shaping clay, I learned my lessons -- lessons about patience, fortitude, focus, art, and heart. As I shaped the clay, I, too, was shaped. Changed. Molded. Made better.

So, Toastmasters, I encourage you to be mentors. Be a mentor who takes the time, who develops his own skill as well as the skill of his protege, a mentor who has heart.

Remember that when you mentor. Yes, you are shaping somebody. You are helping somebody be somebody better. But in the process, you, as mentor, are also being shaped. You will find yourself changed. Honed. Made better. Formed. Reformed. Transformed into a wonderful work of art. You, as mentor, the one who shapes, will find yourself shaped.

I Declare!

This is the graduation speech of Competent Communicator Eden Alemania-Dayrit which she delivered on June 24, 2010. Definitely, there's more to Eden than meets the eye. This article is not enough to capture what this lady is really made of. At best, it can give you a glimpse of what she has become since she joined Toastmasters.

Learning about Eden's success story both as a speaker and entrepreneur is just like being in the middle of a captivating suspense novel. The more I turn to each page, the more the plot becomes increasingly interesting. And as her story continues to unfold, the more I become excited and inspired to read even more. 


I declare that tonight, your life will change. This room will be a witness of the transformation that will ensue. Remember the faces of the people around you for you won’t recognize them later. I declare that this is a night that you will never forget.

Like the night of January of 2009 when I first attended ButterNToast as a guest and I can vividly remember my answer to the question for the introduction about scholarship.

“Good evening. I am Eden Alemania and I am a DOST scholar at Ateneo.”

In my mind, what was I saying? That was so dense! But you guys were so nice! Even though my voice was trembling, my hands were clammy and to top that, I froze, and didn’t finish what I had to say. From then onwards, I declared to myself “I will be a good speaker. Audience will be wowed at my speeches. I will be invited to talk to big conventions.” Hahaha.. I found these lines funny then. My mind was still struggling with the idea of me being a speaker, and I was saying those big words. “Kaya ko ba ito?” Was all that I could think of then.

Which reminds me of a beautiful story in the bible. The story of Jacob and Esau, the sons of Isaac. In ancient times, the father, performs a ceremony of blessing. He officially hands over the birthright to the firstborn son, who is Esau. But younger brother Jacob, recognizing the power of this blessing, the power of his father’s words, deceived Isaac by pretending to be Esau, thus receiving the blessing.

Why did Jacob go to such extent of deceit? Why are they fighting over their father’s blessing? You see in the ancient times, a person’s word was binding. Words were like prophesies that when uttered becomes true. Even if Isaac, realizing that he made a mistake couldn’t take his word back because Isaac’s blessing to Jacob was irrevocable. Jacob became the father of the 12 tribes of Israel.

Going back to the present time, we often forget the power of words. We say or hear things like “Bagsak ka na naman? Kahit kailan wala kang nagawang tama.” Or “Ambisyosa, stop dreaming that you’d be a lawyer. Tuition pa lang, di na natin kaya ‘no. We’re born poor and we’ll die poor.” Or “Ako, pagsasalitain mo sa harapan? Sya na lang o, di ko kaya yan.” And when we couple that with the ability of the child to absorb what we say to them, the results are disastrous. We prophesy that they will not amount to anything. We shout at them and defend that at least we are not hurting them physically. But in truth, we hurt them more by crippling their ability to be better through our words.

Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” stresses the importance of affirmations on relationships and the value we give into our relationships. He emphasized the difference between encouraging words
and nagging words. Encouraging words always focus on something that your partner/a relative or a friend wants to do and not something you want them to do. A nag is something you tell him more than three times.

The power of words also transcends to what we say to ourselves – either consciously or subconsciously.

Let me share with you my personal experiences on declarations. In my Icebreaker speech, I declared, that I am a money magnet. My partner in some of my real estate deals and I usually have dinner to discuss the day’s events. And we plan out the following days with some “wishes” that we’d like to have for the week. In one such dinner she was scribbling 500,000 in the paper place mat and told me. “In our
house, I have a dream board wherein I wrote the numbers 500,000 signifying the amount I’d like to get for the month. And I’d like to thank you for helping me realize that dream.”

Then she began to write down 1,000,000. “This will be our goal for next month”. We smiled, because we never doubted that it is a possibility. True enough, the day after that dinner, we met with another real estate investor that showed us a 10-door property asking us to partner with him. And the projected income, is exactly 1,000,000 for EACH one of us.

I can go on and on sharing my personal experiences on declarations that came true, but I’d like to leave you with one thought. Declare your wishes. Declare your dreams. Declare the big, audacious, even
laughable desires of your heart. You have that power to fulfill those dreams… within your reach.

Remember the declaration I made after my first speech?

“I will be a good speaker. Audience will be wowed at my speeches. I will be invited to talk to big conventions.” Before, I was laughing at the thought of it. But now, I have two big events lined up.

On July 2-3, 2010, I will be speaking at the Money Summit and Wealth Expo at the Carlos P Romulo Room of RCBC Plaza for an audience of 400. And I am deeply honored to be speaking with CEOs, Presidents and experts in other fields. And you are all invited to come. And on July 24, I was invited to speak for a group of investors in Singapore.

The wise King Solomon once declared, “The tongue has the power of life and death” I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for the positive declarations I made at toastmaster’s. I wouldn’t be speaking in front of you, giving my graduation speech if I gave in to my “Hindi ko kaya ito” spiel to myself. I wouldn’t be speaking for an audience, if I didn’t declare that I can.

Tonight, I declare that this will just be the first of a lot more speaking engagements to come.

Tonight, I declare that you will achieve every word that you utter.

Tonight, I give you back the power that you’ve always had.

And I declare that you will use it to make a positive difference in people’s lives.

What about you? What would you like to declare?

The Happy Ticket

by Gege C. Sugue
Speech Project No. 3
Advanced Communication Series: Specialty Speeches



Who wants to be happy?

I guess most, if not all, of us want to be happy. So tonight, I'm selling tickets.

Tickets to happiness. No, this is not magic. This will not give you 185 million pesos instantly. It will not enable you to lose 20 pounds overnight. It will not help you find the man or woman of your dreams. It is not magic. Happiness is not achieved magically.

There is, however, a formula. It is a formula discovered by author Allan K. Chalmers, who said that there are three grand essentials of happiness and these are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Yes, this is tonight's special offer, something to do, something to love, and something to hope for, all packaged in one activity.

This activity is called Speechcraft. For those who are not familiar with it yet, Speechcraft is a program designed by Toastmasters International. It teaches through 3 or 4, or up to 8 sessions the rudiments of public speaking to members and non-members. Seasoned Toastmasters teach by sharing and showing. And the participants learn by doing.

BnT has had the opportunity to conduct the program for some corporations, but this particular Speechcraft project will be spearheaded by Division B as part of its Corporate Social Responsibility goals. Division B's mission is for Toastmasters to work together in projects that enable them to share their time, talent, knowledge, and heart so that underprivileged individuals can improve their communication skills and enjoy positive change in their lives.

So this project will not be for a corporation. Instead we'll be working with an NGO called ATD.

ATD, All Together in Dignity is an international organization working with the community to eradicate poverty from this planet. It's a group that does not believe in dole-outs. Their projects are those that give persons living with poverty a voice. We know that money talks. So the one without money can't be heard. ATD wants to change that through projects that allow the community members to speak through art, fora, livelihood projects, and other events that enable them to speak up, to share their experiences, their views, their aspirations.

The participants are not your usual participants -- corporate employees, yuppies -- but instead we will share our talents and skills with youth from underprivileged communities. Some of them were drug addicts, the type you see sniffing glue in the streets. Some of them engaged in petty crimes like pickpocketing. But they are willing to turn their lives around. And that's where we and Speechcraft come in.

This is also where Chalmer's formula comes in.

Let's talk about something to do. What's the major happening this year in our country? Yes, the elections. How many of you already have that one candidate in mind -- the one who will change things around, the one who will eradicate corruption, the one who will make poverty history, and lead us to a path of recovery and prosperity. Ah, I see only a few raised hands. And the rest? Uncertain? Some of us, I suspect, will probably end up voting for the one who is the "lesser evil." Some of us, like I am, must be so frustrated, feeling helpless, thinking, "what else can I do aside from voting for the lesser evil?"

Well, here's something you can do. Join me in one of the Saturdays of Speechcraft. Participate. Play a role. That's what you can do. As a Toastmaster, you can share what you know. Maybe it does not seem like much, the impact not of national import. But it will make a difference in the life of a person, who will otherwise not have a voice.

How about something to love? It is Valentine weekend. Love is in the air. And some of us are contemplating the meaning of love. What is love? Share with me your definitions.

Ah, cheesy definitions you have. I realized though, that I need not google cheesy love quotes to define love. The best definition of love comes from here: 1 John 4:8. God is love. This definition is further defined in the very popular verse, John 3:16. For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. God defiines love as giving, as sacrificing for the sake of others.

Look, I know that what I ask you is not easy. To wake up early on a Saturday morning and go all the way to Pandacan to teach people you don't know for no pay and hardly any glory.

And how can I even suggest that you love these people? Some of them may not be worth loving or some of them may be hard to love. Some of them may have picked your pocket or wrangled your phone away from you. But you know what, God loves us even when we're not worth loving. God loves us when we're ugly, stinky, and evil. Because to love is to give and to sacrifice. Here's an opportunity to love in the way that God loves.

The last element of the formula is something to hope for. I thought to myself that in this project, we are more the deliverers of hope rather than the receivers. But here's another perspective on hope as defined by President Barrack Obama, who says that that "hope is the belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, but have the courage to remake the world as it should be."

Friends, do you envision a world of hope? Does your vision of the world as it should be include positive change for the youth? Does it involve action by doing something concrete? Does it include love?

If it does, then you need one of these tickets. It's a ticket to do, to love, and to hope. It's a ticket to happiness. But it does not come for free. First, you have to sign up. Sign up for one or more of these dates -- Feb. 27, March 6, April 10. Then you have to show up. Show up from 9 AM to 12 noon of those dates. Then, you have to speak up. Deliver a speech. Take on a role. That's the price -- Sign up. Show up. Speak up so that others may speak too.

Let me close this presentation with a story, the story of a woman who lost her husband and her son at the same time. Such tragic events could rob anyone of happiness forever. And try as she might, none of her possessions, her friends, her diversions could make her happy. Until one day she came home and saw her son's puppy. Since her son's death, the puppy has been neglected, left hungry and lonely. She took pity on the dog and fed it, bathed it, and gave it a hug. Only then when she felt the puppy hug her back, rub against her with appreciation did she feel a tinge of happiness again. And she thought to herself that if doing that could make her happy, what else can she do? The next day she brought cookies to her neighbors. The day after that she brought food and clothes to the community center. She spent her days giving, sacrificing, loving, and she learned that you don't earn happiness by looking for it. You find it by giving it away.

So, happiness anyone?

Strike a Conversation; There's Nothing to It.

Speech Delivered by Gege C. Sugue
Speech Project One: Conversing with Ease
Advance Speech Manual: Interpersonal Communication
Time: 10 to 14 minutes
Objectives of the Speech:

• Identify techniques to use in conversing with strangers
• Recognize different levels of conversation
• Initiate a conversation with a stranger
• Use open-ended questions to solicit information for further conversation

Good evening, fellow toastmasters. Good evening, guests, or as I like to call you, new friends. Talking about new friends, let me take a poll about the kind of socializers we have here in this room. In every social gathering -- a party, seminar, meeting -- there are 2 types of people. One group I call the friendsters, and another the shysters. A friendster is one who is comfortable entering a room full of strangers, making friends, and by the end of the evening, he has 125 business cards and one of his new-found friends has invited him to be a godson to his first born. Who among you is a friendster? (Show of hands) I admire you because I'm from the other group. The shysters.

Shysters, don't be shy, raise your hands. Shysters are uncomfortable, even scared, making new friends. Though I usually have the courage to go alone to social events, when I get there and I'm confronted with a sea of strangers, I get intimidated, anxious, and I start looking for familiar, friendly faces. It takes a while for me to warm up. Or that's why I always volunteer to be an organizer, so I have an excuse to approach people officially.

That is why this project has been helpful to me. This Toastmasters manual shares techniques for striking conversations with strangers. And I'm sharing these with you. To help you remember, let me share the EASE approach.

Ease into the conversation.
Ask open-ended questions.
Sincerely listen.
Equip yourself.

Ease into the Conversation. Don't set silly goals like wowing people with your charming wit or persuading them you're the best in anything. Start light and easy. This reminds me of college parties. One of those college parties was held at our home. And my then 6-year-old brother would go to my friends and start the conversation with, "What do you think of levitation?" That freaked out my friends and confirmed what they suspected all along, that I come from a weird family. That is NOT the way to ease into a conversation.

According to the manual, there are 4 levels of conversation. The first level is Small Talk. Small, chewable, easily processed bits of conversation. Stay within topics that most people can relate to. Avoid controversy and opinions. That's why the weather is a favorite topic for small talk -- everyone can relate to it, and hardly anyone will be offended when you talk about the nice, nippy weather we've been experiencing lately. Or you can talk about the event or the venue -- "I love the decor here." And the best way to start a conversation is with a sincere compliment -- "I've been admiring your necklace; it goes very well with your outfit."

The second level involves Fact Disclosure. You can share general details about your job. Or for the ladies, maybe you can mention that you are married -- "My husband enjoys golf too." Of course, you need to be judicious about the facts you disclose. It's not the time to share your passwords and salary level. Steer clear of divisive or sensitive topics like sex, religion, and politics unless the event calls for it and circumstances allow it.

When you both get more comfortable, you can move on to the 3rd level and start sharing Viewpoints and Opinions. You can share your stand on certain issues. You can talk about likes and dislikes. And when asked, you can voice your opinions. But still make sure you don't offend; be diplomatic. Tread carefully. Don't insult any personality; you never know if the other person is related to the person you're insulting.

And only at level four can you share your Personal Feelings. Not everybody needs to get to this level, but if you connect well with the other person, then you can share your more intimate sentiments. But still keep it positive. Talk about your passions, the things that make you happy or positively excited.

A conversation can go from level 1 to level 4 in a matter of minutes, or maybe it would take more than 1 meeting. Just make sure to ease through the levels. Do not leapfrog from level 1 to level 4, skipping the other steps -- "Hi, I'm Juan Smith, and I'm afraid I might have contracted syphilis in my last foreign trip." Ease into the conversation.

The next tip is to Ask Open Ended Questions. Oftentimes, we struggle dealing with strangers because we're too self-conscious. We worry about sounding silly, looking stupid, committing a social faux pas. No wonder we're so nervous. The way to deal with that is deflect the attention to others. Focus on the other person so you don't worry about yourself. Ask them questions. Let them talk, so they will be the ones to say something silly. ;) It helps to ask open ended questions, questions that begin with why, what, how. This gives them an opportunity to share more information and opinions.

When you ask questions, you make sure you Sincerely Listen. Again, I remember teenage parties way back when it was still normal for guys to come and ask girls to dance. In the middle of the dance floor, while C'mon Feel the Noise is playing, attempts at striking conversations usually end up as major failures because even when you ask a question, you don't really hear the answers. Worse than external noise, however, is internal noise. Set aside other concerns that may distract you. Do not worry about how you look or sound. Listen sincerely, actively. Listen with your ears to the words. Listen with your eyes through eye contact. Check if the words are in congruence with the facial expressions. Use body language -- lean forward, nod attentively and appropriately. Laugh and react at the right time. Sincerely be interested in the other person, and you can engage better and converse with more ease.

Lastly, Equip Yourself. Build in yourself an interesting personality by being aware of hot topics that other people might be interested in. Do your research -- read books and magazines; watch TV; and scan the internet. Be abreast of current events and form opinions and stands on certain issues. You never know when you have to strike a conversation that can boost your career or improve your life.

Just remember that conversations can be EASEy. Style and confidence guru Madonna says, 'Strike a pose; there's nothing to it." I say, it's easy. Strike a conversation; there's nothing to it."

Toastmaster Speech No. 6: Women are wonderful

Women are wonderful
Toastmaster Speech No 6: Vocal Variety
by: Shel Roxas

A lot of men can’t understand how we think, how we come up with a decision but in the end we become victorious in what we do. Ever get exasperated with how women act? At the end of this speech, men would realize that it is not that hard to understand our gender at all. There’s also the thrill of knowing how women think and I hope you would be as excited as I am when I impart this knowledge to you. As for the women, I hope you can find some “aha” moments as I go along.

Woman are always managing to have some last minute things to do immediately prior boarding the car, like going to the toilet, talking with kids or giving instructions to household help. And then, Lavishly sprays perfume on herself inside an air-conditioned car making other passengers gasp desperately for air. Complaining at the same time that she has noting to wear and does not have enough closet space (I am guilty of this by the way).

Contrary to claim of radical feminists, there are basic differences between men and women. Since the release of the latest comedy 'The Ugly Truth' the male-female intimate relationship structures are again under observation. Even though it is a comedy revisiting the old and well-known cliche of male and female differences it still leaves couples and singles going home and re-thinking the gender differences.
Let's have a look at the truth behind some of the points mentioned in the movie:
It is known that 'men feel love when they are being intimate and women are ready to be intimate when they feel loved'. In a study of more than 100 couples this statement was agreed upon in 100% of the cases. One of the main points of challenges in the relationship between the genders is that both sides expect the other to play on their turf and speak their language.
Men are visual. It is proven that men are stimulated by visual input How else would the 'magazines such as FHM, Maxim, Uno make millions of pesos every year? This leads us into the area of exercise which was quoted in the movie: If you want a relationship, here is how you get one: It's called a Stairmaster (a stairmaster is an exercise equiptment for butt shaping exercises). It is a fact that men and women put more effort into exercise and being fit when summer is on our door step. So really, who are they shaping up for, themselves or the opposite sex? And yes, women also prefer a six pack to a beer belly... I bet men love the hourglass shape.
Men and women are equally looking for affirmation. Laughing at whatever the man says has more to do with being in rapport with each other than anything else Laughter is used as a signal for being part of a group, in this case the couple - it signals acceptance and positive interactions with others. Isn't that what we want with our mate?
Now it is a challenge to figure out what women mean, but it is not easy to understand why women do things they do. We talk so much? Why are we always shopping? Why we spend so much time and money in the beauty parlor? Or why we nag?

For men, talking is basically done in order to convey information. For women, it is different. Women would find it a waste of time if they were together and they did not talk all the time. Women talk in order to participate and build relationships. So the more she talks to you, the more she is showing that she likes you and that you find favor with her. So when she gives you a silent treatment, she dislikes you. So rejoice when you are getting an earful.

Women shop a lot. For men, they shop when they need something specific. And while they might compare items here and there, they would decide fairly quickly and make the purchase. Us women, we take our grand time comparing prices endlessly but may have no specific item in mind to purchase. We find it hard to resist bargains, and will buy a lot that we don’t need simply because it is on sale. But think about the benefit it will have to you when she gets home happy and then there’s peace at home. You might be able to get that date you’ve been asking for because she wants to show off her new dress. Ever wonder why I was able to collect 60 shoes (which went down to 6 after the typhoon Ondoy yet went up to 25 after 3 weeks)? Go figure.
Men get haircut because their hair is already long. Women go to the parlor to get their hair, nails, and toes done. But again what happens in the parlor is a therapy. That place is a totally different environment women are exposed to from day to day. For me, it removes stress. The latest Korean Drama story from my Korean pedicurist is a bonus for me specially I don’t have the time to watch this on TV.

As it is know that men and women are different. We will always see things differently. We have different needs. We love differently. There will often be tension and even resentment. Men do not have to resist or resent the difficulties brought by this differences but you can celebrate such differences.

Now let me give you my final advise by a way of a parable.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. He was supposed to be killed but the monarch was astounded by his youth and ideals. Instead the monarch would grant him freedom if he can answer a very difficult question: What do women really want? He was given 1 year to answer it otherwise he will be killed. Arthur asked everyone in his kingdom but nobody can answer. Many people advise him to consult an old witch – only she knows the answer. Pressed for time and no alternative. Arthur sought for the witch. The witch asked Arthur for his friend’s hand in marriage, Gawain in exchange for the answer. Gawain has agreed to this arrangement as he value his friends life. The witch gave the answer and that is “What women really wants is to be in-chrage”. Fast forward to Arthur being freed and to Gawain’s wedding day. The witch showed her worst manner coupled with her hideous appearance. Who would want that for a wife? Til their wedding night. As Gawain entered the bedroom, he saw the a very beautiful lady. The lady told him that half of herself is a witch - her other half is a beauty. She gave the decision to Gawain, “Which would you like me to be in the morning, and which during the night? What a cruel question. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his own, an old witch? Or would he prefer a hideous witch at morning but by night a beautiful woman whom to enjoy intimate moments. If it were you what would you do?

Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself (remember the witch’es answer to Young Arthur?) Upon hearing this, she announced that she will be beautiful all the time. Because he respect her enough to let her be in-chrage of her own life.

What is the moral of the story?

The moral is: if your woman doesn’t get her own way, things are going to get ugly. And that I leave you to discover and experience yourself throughout your lifetime.

Toastmasters Speech No. 2: Urban Dwellers, Get Involved

Urban Dwellers, Get Involved! We can plan our future!
Toastmasters Speech Project No. 2: Organize your speech
By: Faye F. Melegrito

A day before typhoon Ondoy unleashed its wrath in Metro Manila and nearby provinces, I was preparing my and my six-year-old daughter Luce’s week-end gear. We were to spend the next two days in Makati, as we were supposed to join the 3-km event of the New Balance Power Run. Makati was a more convenient take-off point to the event at the Fort on September 27, rather than our home in Marikina, a couple of hours away. As an afterthought, I placed her Enchanted Kingdom poncho raincoat atop her I Can Serve Foundation shirt. “In case it drizzles during the run,” I told myself.

As we all know, it did not drizzle that week-end of September 26 and 27. The gates of heaven opened wide and poured far-from-heavenly rain on Filipino urbanites, drenching not just our bodies and our homes, but our souls as well. In the aftermath, as the people waded through floodwaters, as they dug through their belongings mixed with mud and garbage, different sectors started blaming each other, pointing an accusing finger on each other’s negligence and supposed role in the tragedy that Ondoy brought us.

The Ondoy experience now proves to be a good wake up call for all of us, whether we are mere citizens of the Philippines or officials, policy drafters, or lawmakers of the land. All of us, no matter our status in life, are stakeholders in our planet, in our country, in our habitat, in our urban dwellings. And as stakeholders, we hold responsibility for our future.

Allow me to share with you these passages from the UN Habitat website: “The United Nations has designated the first Monday of October every year as World Habitat Day. The idea is to reflect on the state of our towns and cities and the basic right of all to adequate shelter. It is also intended to remind the world of its collective responsibility for the future of the human habitat. This year’s theme “Planning our urban future” aims to raise awareness of the need to improve urban planning to deal with new challenges of the 21st century. This is because urban settlements in all parts of the world are being influenced by new and powerful forces. In both developed and developing countries, cities and towns are increasingly feeling the effects of climate change, resource depletion, food insecurity, population growth and economic instability.”

I now take this opportunity to challenge you, my fellow urban dwellers, to take action towards a well-planned future in urban Philippines. For starters, I share with you three circles of influence within which we can start planning our urban future.

The first circle of influence is the easiest, as it involves only our individual selves.

Perhaps, we can start by taking stock of our personal practices. Do we drive our self to the community mall when we can walk instead? Do we ride the elevator two floors up, while we can take the stairs? Do we run our errands crisscrossing the metropolis, while we can plan our route and maximize our errand time? Do we throw our small items of rubbish here and there, while we can keep them in our pockets and later throw them in a garbage can somewhere? Do we lavishly take long baths and showers, when we can use timba and tabo? Do we prefer motorcycles over bikes, battery-powered items over wind-ups, plastic bags over eco bags? I hope we can proudly answer, “No, I don’t. I care for my habitat.”

A caring individual carries the good habits with him or her, constantly practices them, and eventually becomes their embodiment, possibly inspiring the bigger circles around him or her.

The second circle of influence is not that far from us, as it includes our family and friends.

Let us now widen our circle and invite our families and friends to join us in our quest for a better urban future. Do we place our garbage in one bin instead of segregating them? Do we use separate cars instead of carpooling? Do we spend much time on television or video games instead of playing electricity-free and creative-rich games? Do we prefer a concrete backyard over a greener one, new items over recycled ones? I hope we can proudly answer, “No, my family and friends don’t. We care for our habitat.”

A caring family passes on to the younger generations and even future generations the traits of responsibility and accountability, creating generations of individuals who care.

The third circle of influence is much wider, as it now encompasses our community, be this our residential community, office community, or online community.

Let us next enlist our respective communities in our move to have a better urban future. Do we confine ourselves inside our houses rather than go out and participate in community endeavors? Do we practice kanya-kanya, tayo-tayo, or sila-sila, rather than join forces as one community? Do we tend to complain rather than suggest alternatives or passively receive benefits rather than actively participate in planning? I hope we can proudly answer, “No, our community don’t. We care for our habitat.”

A caring community leads to stronger and more collective action, an advantageous leverage if we want our Congress Representatives to hear our calls for a greener district.

A little over a week after typhoon Ondoy left the Philippine area of responsibility, the world celebrated World Habitat Day last October 5. This year’s theme: “Planning our urban future” now sounds more personal to us, Filipinos. The Filipino urban dwellers face the seemingly unsurmountable task of rebuilding our homes and our lives.

A mere raincoat will not surely protect us from future typhoons, as our urban kingdom has lost its enchantment. However, no mud-filled floodwater could wash away the Filipino people’s strong spirit. Let us be caring individuals from a caring family, in a caring community. Let us do our part as individuals, as a family, as a community. Let us get up, get out, get involved!

Three People I Met at Toastmasters

Opening Remarks at the Officer Installation and New Member Induction

Speaker: Gege Sugue
Speech Project: Uplift the Spirit from the Specialty Speeches Manual
Time: 8 to 10 minutes


Good evening, Pat, Jun, (the missing Alvin Tan), Shel, Christian, (the absent Christine), Sheila, Boom. Congratulations for accepting the challenge and the responsibilities of leadership of this club. I salute you for your courage and commitment.

Good evening, Toastmasters. Your being here tonight is also an indication of your commitment to and faith in the Toastmasters organization.

Much has been said about the benefits that the Toastmasters organization offers its members. One of the least harped about of these benefits is the fact that you meet a lot of people. And I don't mean that in a networking kind of way; it's not just about expanding your business contacts. I mean we meet different types of interesting, engaging people. Some of them become your friends. Some become your mentors, or tormentors, or all of the above. I've met a lot of people who have encouraged me, inspired me, and taught me lessons.

I only have time to talk about 3 of them. These 3 have taught me 3 lessons that have been useful in my stints as officer of this club.

One of them was Mar Sy. For those who did not have the privilege of knowing Mar, he was one of the charter members of the club. That means he was one of those who had the vision for a community of human resource practitioners learning and developing together. From day one of this club, he was an active participant of the club, shaping this club to be what it is now.

I met and got to know Mar here at Toastmasters. And he taught me to seize the day.

I'll be honest. Mar was not a cookie-cutter type leader. No leader-like demeanor; no gregarious, extroverted personality. He was rather shy, laid-back, soft spoken. But he did not let his shyness stop him from answering the call to lead. He was a charter officer. And on his second year in Toastmasters, he was an Area Governor.

I wouldn't also consider him a natural born speaker. Like most of us, he really needed Toastmasters to bring out the speaker in him. But did he let his limitations stop him? No, he grabbed every opportunity to speak and to develop his speaking skills. He didn't miss any opportunity to participate in Table Topics as either speaker or host. Who knows how much more he would have grown as a speaker given the chance.

Unfortunately, death robbed him of that chance. However tragic that loss may be, for me it has served the purpose of reminding me to seize the day. Not to waste opportunities. Not to let moments for growth pass me by.

Last term when I was the president of this club, that was the longest year of my life. One full year, 525,600 minutes of thinking, talking, breathing Toastmasters. A year divided into segments of 2 weeks, the first part of which spent on planning the meeting, and the last 2 days of which fixing up the messed up plans because speakers backed out and evaluators canceled.

It was the longest year of my life. But it was also the shortest. Because at the end of it, when the leadership was wrestled away from me (insert smile here) I still haven't had enough. Still a lot of unfinished business. Things I should have done but didn't. But I had to move on, because as Mars has shown me with his life and his premature death, time is valuable, and the day is there for me to do more and be more. I will seize the day. I will grab every opportunity to lead, learn, and live life to the fullest.

The second person I met in Toastmasters is Michelle Lim, the founding president of this club.

John Maxwell said that the arena where one can truly challenge and develop one's leadership is in volunteerism. Because the members are not paid. Because they are not beholden to any boss and their careers are not at stake if they mess up. Toastmasters is such an environment. Everyone is free to join and leave. So a leader needs to know how to charm, coerce, communicate to lead and motivate.

Maxwell also stresses the importance of communication skills to lead.

Michelle is the embodiment of that twin pairing of leadership and communication. Communication skills ooze from her pores. She inspires with a vision. She motivates, encourages, mentors. She did such a great job of leading this club that on its first year, with just 9 months to do it, she led us to achieving Select Distinguished Club status. And a huge part of the time, she was out of the country. That's leadership.

Michelle is a good leader because she can talk, and she can walk the talk. What she has taught me is to lead the way. She does not pressure members to deliver speeches. She shows us by delivering speech after speech after speech. She earns a minimum of 2 norms a year. So, when I was president, I tried to follow her example. I wanted the members to deliver speeches, so I delivered speeches, and earned my Advanced Communicator Bronze as a reward. I wanted people to work on their Competent Leader Manual. So even if I did not have to do it, because I was already aiming for Silver, I still did. Because Michelle showed me that that was the way to lead to the way.

Dear officers, there is no avoiding it. Lead the way. Tell us why and then show us how.

And now, on to the third person.

I truly think that the most difficult post in Toastmasters is that of VP Education, and this person has been VP Education 1 1/2 times, the 1/2 being when he took over when Mar could no longer attend the club meetings. Being VP Education can make or break you.

It almost broke this man. Every other week, he would feel like killing himself as he worked on the cumbersome Program. I saw him wanting to gouge his eyes as he worked on a multicolored matrix, size 6 font, trying to schedule the roles and speakers. And in the end, no one even used that matrix.

But did he break? Nah.

Did he come to the meetings, bitter at the no-shows, angry at being VP Ed? No, Ed Ebreo, with bandaged wrists and red-shot eyes came ready to have the best meeting possible. Ed is right; meetings without him are just not as fun. He reminds me all the time that BnT is about fun, about learning in an environment of fun. He reminds me of celebrating victories and laughing at miseries. He was always willing to be the butt of jokes, all for the sake of having fun at Toastmasters meetings. He taught me the 3rd lesson of leadership -- make it look like play.

Ed makes leadership look so easy that last term, we had an unprecedented number of people wanting to be officers. They wrestled the gavel away from us, wanting to be the new officers, wanting to lead.

And so here you are -- our new, spanking officers. The people who will lead this club to higher levels of excellence and achievement.

As I turn this gavel over to you, I challenge you.

Learn and apply the 3 lessons I learned from the 3 people I met. Listen to Mar, Michelle, and Ed. This is your chance to:

Seize the day.
Lead the way.
Make it look like play.

It's your chance to make a difference and help others become better leaders and communicators.

It's your time to inspire. So that by May 2010, you will have a new set of eager officer-wanna be's, raising their hands, shouting, me! me! choose me! I want to lead.

I know you'll do well. And I am hear to support you. I promise. And I seal that promise by banging this gavel and saying for the last time, as outgoing President of Butter N Toast Toastmasters Club, I now call this meeting to order.

Mars' First Things

(by Sheila Dela Cruz-Mapanao, CC, CL)

I delivered this speech last July 9, 2009 at our Toastmasters meeting, as a tribute to Mars. This is speech #2 of the Advanced Communication Manual, on "Special Occasion Speeches".

I hope i was able to do justice to the man that Mars was.
Good evening, fellow Toastmasters and friends.

These past weeks while I was formulating this speech in my head, I was panicking. Not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. But because I didn’t know what NOT to say! There are just so many things about Mars and his life, what I learned from him, and how he has affected me. I was overwhelmed!

So to put a semblance of order in this speech, let me focus on what I believed were the “first things” in Mars’ life.

In Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Habit 3 is “Put first things First”, meaning “putting the most important things in your life, FIRST”. First things could be your goals or dreams, or the people you love.

As Johann Goethe said, “Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least”.

And I believe Mars knew what the first things in his life were.

Top on his list, was his family. Mars lost his father at a young age. When his father died, he became the family’s breadwinner. And he did his job dutifully. He became a pillar of strength and support for his family. He provided for his mom and his siblings. He worked to support his youngest sister from the time she was in grade school, until she graduated with a Nursing degree and passed the board exams last December. And when she graduated, he told friends, “Pwede na kong mamatay.” (Finally I can die). Even then, he knew that since he already secured his youngest sister’s future, she would be able to take his place ad care of his mom and the rest of their family.

Mars role as a pillar of strength and dependability was not just contained within his family, but extended to another family, and that was Toastmasters, and specifically, Butter N Toast (BnT).

Mars’ commitment to BnT stemmed from his desire to learn. Personal improvement. Another one of Mars’ first things. Mars was the perfect example of someone who wanted to improve himself. He wanted to be better!

When we started out in Toastmasters, we were all pretty scared of coming up here in front. Especially during table topics! But no, not mars! He was always so brave! He’d volunteer, and yes, he’d fumble or mumble, BUT he kept at it and he got better! And I admired that in him. Me, who’s such a scare-dy cat when it comes to Table Topics. And he knew it!

He also knew that I dreaded to club-hop coz I hated being the odd one out. So what did Mars do? Whenever he got invited to a different club, he’d drag me to come with him. And he was a willing companion when I got invited to other TM clubs as well, egging me on to accept invites. Such that we became more like a package deal. Invite one TM, get another for free! :)

He generally pushed and pulled me out of my comfort zone and conveniently served as my net. My safety blanket.

I also loved to tease him by the monicker Table Topics Monster because whenever he was tasked to handle Table Topics, he chose particularly challenging topics. But he had a special reward, a token, which he gave to the brave participants to encourage them.

And let us not forget that Mars was the first-ever from our Club to take on the role of Area 16 governor. He made it look sooo easy, that he convinced some others from this club, to be Area governor as well! :)

From Mars’ life, another of his first things was Relationships. Mars had loads of friends both in and out of BnT. Friends from college, and even all the way from grade school, who have stuck with him and who consider him a VERY GOOD friend. And I, together with the Toasties, know what they mean.

Most Toasties know Mars and his quick-wit.
His loud, boisterous laugh.
His zeal and energy for fun.

But maybe not everyone knows his thoughtfulness and generosity. I remember when he retired from Pru Life, he treated at least 10 of his closest TM friends to a sumptuous dinner buffet at Masas. And how when one of us was celebrating a birthday, he’d treat that person to Starbucks.

Yes, he was thoughtful and generous, giving of his time and his presence. That, and above all, Mars was a loyal, and trustworthy friend.

Text mate. Erstwhile shopping and movie-watching companion. Toastmasters Club-hopping buddy. Confidante. True and good friend. Mars was all these to me.

I was scrolling through my cellphone’s phonebook recently and felt a tinge of sadness when I saw Mars’ name in my phonebook. And knowing that I won’t be receiving any funny, text messages or calls from him just to ask me how I was. I couldn’t for the life of me, delete his name from my phone book.

Any significant event now, any small thing, reminds me of mars. Michael Jackson dead at 50? Oh, mars was only 42 when he died. Gege and I were eating at Bagoong Club (where BnNT had its xmas party), and our server’s name happened to be mars. We looked at each other, and at the same time, said “awww, mars”…

You can say I haven’t had enough of Mars. Most people who know Mars feel the same way. Clichéd as it may sound, Mars has left his mark on us, here in our hearts. I keep telling myself that he’s in a better place now, free from pain, sickness, and problems. But when I think about him now, it is still with sadness because I miss him.

He was a good person. A good man. And he will be sorely missed.

Mars was a dutiful and supportive son and brother --which meant he valued family.

He was a good and true friend -- which meant he valued relationships.

He was serious about teaching and about learning -- which meant he valued personal improvement.

Family. Relationships. Personal improvement. Mars was clear on his first things. He knew what was important to him, and his actions reflected that.

I leave you now with these questions. What are the first things in your life? Do your actions reflect the importance of these first things? Mars’ death has made me think and reflect on these.

Mars was clear on his first things. Are you?

Ice-Breaker Speech (Faye Melegrito): The Child Giving Birth to the Mother

Six years ago today, I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. We did not expect her until September 29. My husband even hoped she’d have the same birthday as John Lennon, October 9.

However, God had other plans for us. On my sixth month of pregnancy, my amniotic fluid level was not as high as it should be. It was still stubbornly low on my eighth month. Thus, on a Friday afternoon, 21 days after I turned 31, I was hospitalized for rehydration.And Despite the low fluid level in her uterine environment, my little girl was in a fighting form. My earlier ultrasound sessions showed her to be within the normal weight and length for her age. How proud and relieved I felt when her biophysical profile scores always turned out perfect. Not even having come out of my womb yet, my baby was already being graded.

By Sunday night, I had to be injected with drug X to strengthen my baby’s lungs, in preparation for premature birth. The next day, Monday morning of August 25, I still had a low fluid level. A little after noon, I transferred to a nearby hospital. Like a salmon going back to its breeding ground, I wanted to give birth in the hospital where my own mother gave birth to me.

When I was opened up, the doctors told me that my uterus was small. So small that my baby had to get out, to be free, as eight months in my womb are enough time for her to gestate. At 3PM, my baby girl, Luce Domini, was scooped out of my womb. She weighed just 2 kilos and measured 1-foot-5 inches; but her APGAR score was a high 9, remarkable for a prematurely-born infant. “Hello, baby,” I told her when the nurse showed her to me, swathed in hospital-green clothe, so small. Then I drifted to sleep, to be awakened by the Angelus as I was wheeled to my room.

It was not until 2 days later when I would see my baby again. To avoid possible complications, she didn’t room-in with me. Later that day, I held my baby in my arms for the first time.

Fast forward to summer 2009. My husband and I now have a young girl bursting with confidence and showing such negotiating skills, she usually ends up getting the better deal after most collective bargaining agreements.

At that time, she has been attending Kumon Reading sessions for three months. My little girl’s progress is summarized by a graph. Three more lines show advanced levels at one year, two years, or three years, where the child can receive bronze, silver, or gold medals for being ahead of her actual school level.

Luce and I would often look at her graph. That summer, we set goals for her. “Finish Level 2A before your birthday and you’d be getting a bronze,” I showed her.

I wanted her to learn to read, to enjoy the printed word as much as I do, or even more. Thus, I’ve surrounded Luce with books since she was a baby. In fact, I started reading to her in utero. Oh, I’d read to her the places she’d go; I’d tell her of Yertle the Turtle and Daisy McFuzz. Now, oh, the joy I feel, the pride that makes my heart swell when she reads to me the exploits of Cat in the hat, or the little red hen, or the house that Jack built.

I guess, like any mother, I want a mini version of me in my daughter. Since she’s undoubtedly her father’s daughter in looks, in humming to tunes, and in tapping to the rhythm, I explored other avenues to create a little Faye in my Luce.

As I guided my child towards enhancing her reading skills, I began contemplating on my own enhancement. There was my daughter, progressing towards a bronze medal before August ends. What about me? Towards what goal am I moving forward to? Am I moving in the first place? I didn’t think so.

Last summer, I felt stuck in the quagmire of self doubts. I felt immobile as my spirit was like a flat tire, devoid of air, no wind to life me up. I felt sad, tired, lost.

Yet my daughter, true to her name, Luce, light, she enlightened me. I once wrote a poem for my husband, referring to him as my north star, my lighthouse. Last summer, as I felt lost, adrift at sea, my daughter beamed her own light. Smaller than her father’s, yes. But as bright, as lively, as inspiring.

My little Luce, my little lighthouse, lighted my path. My little Luce, my young daughter, showed me the way. My little Luce, my very own child, gave birth to a new me.

I embarked on a new mission. Codename: Finding Faye.

I aimed to shed my old self and looked forward to seeing the new me. I bade goodbye to some scars, literally and figuratively, as I uncovered the real me. I started with a leg peeling treatment, followed by a writing workshop, and then a speech course. By the time my legs had been scrubbed clean of dermal debris, I have finally transformed a few ideas into several written pieces, and with enough confidence to pitch my written work to others.

Last month, I finally attended Butter N Toast sessions, a plan I have wanted to do since 2007. Like my daughter with her Kumon, I am now working towards a goal, towards becoming a CC after a year, towards becoming a CL a year after that. I turned 37 last August 1 and have just been born again. I see myself growing in Butter N Toast.

I have swept away the cobwebs in my mind, I have flexed my muscles into action. Here I am. I have found Faye.

And tonight, six years after I first held my baby girl in my arms, I stand before you and present my first speech. It is my hope that as tightly as I embraced my daughter that August night in the hospital nursery, you would equally accept me in your fold.

Ice-Breaker Speech (Dian Leithon Isidro): What’s in a Name?

“A person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” That is according to Dale Carnegie. For me, this is especially true because, while others collect things, awards, or hats, I collect names. I would like to tell you about the names and titles I’ve got so far.

Dilis

I am Dian Leithon Isidro. I was born on Dec. 26, 1974, 2nd in the brood of 4. According to my baby pictures, I was not the cutest baby in the neighborhood. My mother disagrees. My grandma agrees. My father cannot object.

I’m currently working as an IT professional. It’s a common practice in our industry to come up with a pseudonym to sign our work with, use as login names or name us in the virtual world. For instance, linux is attributed to Linus Torvalds. Mine is “dilis.” It’s the acronym of my full name. I have been using it from the time I took up computer science up to the present. This name is special to me because it embodies the inborn/raw/naked/unrefined me without the covering of success or failure, abilities or disabilities.

Siraniko
During my high school days, I was fascinated by things around me, and how they worked. I found a children’s DIY encyclopedia in our local library that further fueled this fascination. I would read them a lot, and sometimes, would build projects from it. These include electromagnets, telephones and Morse code machines, and motors (from paper clip motors, to my own design, that up to now is not working). I would secure the materials for these projects from defective appliances my father stashed in our house and sometimes buying them. The funds came from my measly allowance.

As I grew older, this insatiable curiosity also grew intense and I started tinkering and opening working appliances around the house. Sometimes I can put them back together, many times though, well, let’s just say I needed some help from my father, and sometimes from a trusted handyman. This lust for knowledge and my particular brand of “creativity” earned me the moniker “Siraniko” from my father. It may sound funny, or even derogatory, but for me, it’s one of the sweetest names I have ever been called. It represents my character during that moment in my life: inquisitive, resourceful, and bold.

Agaton
Reaching new highs is one of our life goals. Many of the heights I reached so far didn’t come easy. A lot of times, I need to invest a lot of effort and time. This time around, I wanted it fast and easy. So, in 2005, I joined a mountaineering club. Joining this club requires undergoing 3-month training, in which required skills such as mountain survival, climb planning and etiquette are taught and physical fitness is developed. The trainees will need to complete training climbs wherein the theories are applied hands-on.

On our last training climb, we scaled Mt. Amuyao. It stands 2700 masl (meters above sea level) and one of the highest mountains in the country. One of its distinct features is the almost vertical ascent that requires about 4-5 hours to assault. This roughly translates to “it is a difficult climb.”

This climb coincided with our company’s software release. Unfortunately, Murphy’s Law hits me: everything that can go wrong indeed went wrong. To cut the story short, I was late on our departure time, and this is first and, they say, the cause of eventual delays during the climb. We all ended up trekking at night which is one of the worst cases in climbing. And for this my name during the climb became Late-ton, with emphasis on ‘late’.

I was able to redeem myself when during our descent I was one of the first to arrive at our wash area. While it is a common perception that going down is easier, because of gravity’s help, than going up, because of gravity’s pull, it’s not always the case, especially for me who had a knee condition that time. Anyway, because of this feat, I earned another name: Agaton.

This name is meaningful to me because it not only represent my adventures on Mt. Amuyao, but also all the hardships, the discipline, and the perseverance I learned on my foray in the sport of mountaineering.

These are the names of the most important aspects of my being, the names that defined me. I still have other names to tell you my other names like Jani for Johnny Litton,but I know you’re all tired and need a good night sleep, so I’ll stop here.

Toastmasters Speech No.10: What's Your Story

by Jun Roy

Our own stories have the power to change us. In what way, you might ask. Isn’t it that stories are rooted in the past, and that our past is already a settled matter? So how can stories change us? I’m not asking you to write your stories based on distant or recent memories. I’m talking about choosing the future stories that someday you want to tell to yourselves and to others.

If I ask you what your story today is, no amount of will power can change what just happened to you today. But what if I ask you, “What is your life story that you want to tell to yourself, to your children, and to others a year from now? “Or maybe tomorrow?” “Or next week?” “What aspects of your past stories you want to re-write so you can tell a better story later?” Such questions reveal the transforming power of our own stories.

When I was a kid, my life story is that of a born loser and failure. My circumstances conditioned me to think so. I have to walk two kilometers everyday with a pair of slippers just to go to high school. My mother was a small-time fish vendor whose income was barely enough to feed her six children for a day. My father was jobless. People often teased him for his eccentric behaviors. For what do you make of a man who carries everyday a bamboo stick, a hunting knife, and who brings his own chair to fetch his wife? And what do you make of a jobless husband who has the nerve to beat his wife who feeds him and his children whom he doesn’t feed? Crazy, you might say. And that’s exactly what people thought of him. I grew up believing that. I grew up being ashamed of him and of our condition. I grew up always wondering to the point of self-pity why others have shoes but not me, or why others eat hotdogs and apples but not us. I grew up constantly asking, “Why can’t I have a normal life?” And for many years, these questions continued to haunt me and they have become the theme and plot of my life story. My life story is a tragedy – that’s what I have come to believe.

But then, Francois Mauriac, the celebrated French author, is right when he said that, “the path of human beings never cross by chance.” My eldest brother, Felix, returned home like a prodigal son after living away from us for many years. That was 1985, and I was fourteen when I got the chance to know him really well. We lived in the same condition, his is even worse. But the stories I heard from him were completely different from mine. He was always telling stories in the future positive tense – how he plans to rise up from poverty. I never heard him speak about our family condition with a sense of hopelessness or regret. True enough, his .

Toastmasters Speech #3: "Taming John Tucker"

By Russel Roxas, TM

“You don't drink an '82 Bordeaux just because it's sitting on your shelf. Great things take time.” A quote I never forget from the day I met John Tucker.

John Tucker is the star in the movie, John Tucker must die. Not the hot, godly Jesse MetCalfe but the character he portrayed in this movie that got me hooked with the name JOHN TUCKER. After watching that movie, I started recalling all the John Tuckers in my life. Yes, I’ve dealt with a lot of them; either as a partner, relative, friend, classmate and officemate. I’ve been a victim of a John Tucker, an accessory to John Tucker’s crime of cheating and I was a silent witness to his deeds. Overall, I ended getting hurt or allowing John Tucker to hurt other people. I hope there’s no John Tucker in this room. If there is, I’m pretty sure he’ll deny it. It’s just too bad that when I learned how to handle a John Tucker, it was already too late because I already became a victim… For the single ladies in this room, I hope that this will aid you in identifying the John Tuckers of your life and help you in managing them... that is, if you haven’t been a victim yet. For those already taken, you’ll probably reminisce with me as I go a long and might realize that you’ve also dated one before. As for the gentlemen of this room, esp. those who deny that they are a John Tucker… BEWARE!

John Tucker is a popular, sexy, talented and a complete player. In the movie, he dates three girls at once. In reality, a John Tucker would probably date more. The BIG adjective would be TOTAL MANIPULATOR… The cheater

Two-Timers (or can be three-timers or four, but let’s use two as a benchmark) love the ladies… in a good way. Their excuse is that if they didn't truly love all of the ladies with which they go out, they would never two-time, it's just too much stress for them.

There are different types of two-timers, or let say John Tuckers
The seasonal two-timer is one of the easiest ways to get into the two-timing groove. Seasonal two-timing simply means that you only have one real girlfriend, but the girlfriend depends on the season. For example, you are a college student whose home is in, let's say Cebu, and you're going to college in oh, let's say Dela Salle, Manila. So, growing up in Cebu, you have a girlfriend, whom you love, and you want to stay with in Cebu. However, Cebu is so far away that you get lonely without her. So, in Manila, you get yourself another girlfriend for the school year. It’s an easy way to go because the distance might be a cover for your afterschool affairs and you’ll most likely not be caught.

Then you have the casual two-timers. This is a risk-free way to go, but the consequences can be brutal. This method means that they two-time or even three-time but never officially commit to one of the girls.

Lastly, the maniac John Tucker. The Maniac is the guy who just loves girls so much that one, or two, or three isn't/aren’t enough. The Maniac just likes the ladies, as many as he can handle. The reason why they’re named as such is because there is so much stress associated with one chick that it is quite a task to have more than 2. So it’s either his a masochist or don’t value self-preservation at all.

But no matter what type of two-timer or John Tucker he is, note that he is not immune to being tamed by the ladies who have enough knowledge to handle them. So ladies, I am giving you the armor on how to protect yourself against the possible John Tuckers of your life.

Lesson no. 1: Never assume. Research. Often times the guy would look nice and single when he approaches you even when he is still asking for a date. Of course he has to be for you to fall to his trap. Luckily in this era of technological advancement where social networking and blogging is the way to go there are sites that can help you unravel the truth even for the unpopular ones. Try searching for his name in Friendster, Facebook, Multiply, etc. Often times he has an account even though he may not be the one to set it up… Maybe the legal “girlfriend” made your job easier by setting up the account herself. That’s why sometimes even John Tucker himself doesn’t even know that it exists. And even if he is the one who set-up the account, most likely the legal girlfriend would be able to open it to make sure that the status of the account is “in relationship”.

Lesson no. 2: Never give the guy an opportunity to use pet names for you. It might not be out of affection but so he won’t mixed up his girlfriends’ names. If he insists you call each other with endearments. Try to think of something unique that he will not be able to use with his other girlfriends. Don’t go for baby, honey, sweetheart try “pangga” or cupcake, or whatever. Be creative

Lesson No. 3: This may sound crazy, but this is extremely important. John Tucker’s might occasionally joke about two-timing. Joking about it will give him a feel of how mad the girl would be and how far out of the country he would need to run if, unfortunately she ever found that he’s two-timing. They also think that if they drop hints like that you will be less likely to suspect. Finally, if you find out, he can say that he tried to tell you (through his jokes), and it will almost be the truth.

Lesson No. 4: Never extract the truth from him. Even if you tell him nicely and say “it’s okay for him to tell you”, they know it’s just a trick. Never try to inspect his mobile phone; you’ll not get anything there because most likely he’ll have another unit either under his bed, in his locked closet and even in his office’s mobile cabinet. The more you obviously you extract information from him the more he’ll be careful.

Lastly, never go on a date in outrageous places. It’s crazy for you to go to SM Fairview just to watch a movie when you both live in Makati. Or go out-of-town every weekend which is just very tiring. Often times, he is trying to avoid common places where the other girl hangs out or her crowd.

There are more things that you can still do other than what I’ve mentioned to recognize and handle a John Tucker, I just identified a few. These tips may or may not work all the time but it’s better that you try them or at least arm yourself with these knowledge, We have heard time and again that a “good man” is hard to find. But it is also better if we can bring out the good side of a John Tucker, don’t you think. Going back to the movie, the lead actress Kate indeed made John Tucker fell in love with her at the end. This only means that people like John can also love and learn from his mistakes. That’s when you can say that you really tamed a John Tucker. In my case, I learned how to handle a John Tucker the hard way but it helped me a lot that I was also raised by a person who also used to be a John Tucker – My Dad. But that’s another story for another speech.