by Jun Roy

Our own stories have the power to change us. In what way, you might ask. Isn’t it that stories are rooted in the past, and that our past is already a settled matter? So how can stories change us? I’m not asking you to write your stories based on distant or recent memories. I’m talking about choosing the future stories that someday you want to tell to yourselves and to others.

If I ask you what your story today is, no amount of will power can change what just happened to you today. But what if I ask you, “What is your life story that you want to tell to yourself, to your children, and to others a year from now? “Or maybe tomorrow?” “Or next week?” “What aspects of your past stories you want to re-write so you can tell a better story later?” Such questions reveal the transforming power of our own stories.

When I was a kid, my life story is that of a born loser and failure. My circumstances conditioned me to think so. I have to walk two kilometers everyday with a pair of slippers just to go to high school. My mother was a small-time fish vendor whose income was barely enough to feed her six children for a day. My father was jobless. People often teased him for his eccentric behaviors. For what do you make of a man who carries everyday a bamboo stick, a hunting knife, and who brings his own chair to fetch his wife? And what do you make of a jobless husband who has the nerve to beat his wife who feeds him and his children whom he doesn’t feed? Crazy, you might say. And that’s exactly what people thought of him. I grew up believing that. I grew up being ashamed of him and of our condition. I grew up always wondering to the point of self-pity why others have shoes but not me, or why others eat hotdogs and apples but not us. I grew up constantly asking, “Why can’t I have a normal life?” And for many years, these questions continued to haunt me and they have become the theme and plot of my life story. My life story is a tragedy – that’s what I have come to believe.

But then, Francois Mauriac, the celebrated French author, is right when he said that, “the path of human beings never cross by chance.” My eldest brother, Felix, returned home like a prodigal son after living away from us for many years. That was 1985, and I was fourteen when I got the chance to know him really well. We lived in the same condition, his is even worse. But the stories I heard from him were completely different from mine. He was always telling stories in the future positive tense – how he plans to rise up from poverty. I never heard him speak about our family condition with a sense of hopelessness or regret. True enough, his . (Read more!)

BnT President Gege Sugue and the rest of the incumbent officers shall pass the baton of leadership to the new set of officers this coming July. Newly elected President Pat Pascua will take over together with Jun Roy as VP for Education. Alvin Tan exchanged his Area 16 Governor role to take on the role of VP for Membership. Real-life marketing expert Russel Roxas suits perfectly well as VP for PR. Christopher Siena will be turning over his role as Sgt-at-Arms to Boom San Agustin while he accepts the new responsibility as the club’s secretary. Christine Dapa will take her turn holding the clubs coffers as the club treasurer. Let’s all welcome them to their new roles and help them succeed as the new club leaders. And here is the rest of it. (Read more!)

His speech number 8 was one of the most memorable speeches ever delivered in the club. He demonstrated how to cook leche flan and provided not just audio-visual, but also gustatory enjoyment. I still remember how good it was and how Boom licked the llanera clean. If I had known then that Mar would leave us prematurely, I would have fought Boom to have more. If I had known that the last time I saw him would be his last time in the club, I would have asked him to deliver one more table topic speech, to giggle once more in that endearing and subtly naughty way he used to giggle, to stay a few more minutes as we sipped coffee at Starbucks. Because really, the sad thing is I haven’t had enough of Mar.

I wanted to write a journalistic obituary for the newsletter, to stick to the five Ws, but how could I write about Mar’s sudden departure as simply a matter of fact?

The facts are that Mar was born on December 16, 1965 and did not live long enough to see his 44th birthday. He passed away on May 28, 2009 when he was supposed to be recovering from a long bout of lung disease. In between those two life events, he went to high school at San Sebastian College, then to the University of the Philippines, Manila to take up Political Science, and to the Ateneo Graduate School of Business. The facts also include a career in life insurance that included stints in Ayala Life, Asialife, Prulife, Medserv, and Mapfre Insular.

The fact is that he was one of the charter officers of Butter N Toast TMC and that he has been instrumental in the success of the first ever HR Philippines Conference.

The fact is that somebody once said that he was one of the pillars of this club, having been one of its most active members. The fact is that he was a Competent Communicator and was taking his sweet time before he tackled the Advance Communicator manuals. Consistently an officer of Butter N Toast TMC, he also took on roles in the district and served as Governor of Area 16 from July 2006 to June 2007. He also mentored the new club, Diplomatically Speaking.

The facts on his Friendster profile include his love for comic books, his hatred of spam (the electronic kind, not the meatloaf variety) and chain letters, his preference for esoteric books along with cookbooks and mysteries, and his search for somebody mature, friendly, witty, down to earth, honest, and funny.

The fact is that he left this earth too early.

His Facebook wall points out that he was well loved when he was alive and will be sorely missed now that he’s gone.

The members of this club, still reeling from the shock, move on. But not without wistfully saying goodbye to a friend, a confidante, a leader, a supporter, a mentor, a distinguished time master, a table topic monster, a man we can rely on, a fellow lifelong learner.

We console ourselves with the fact that part of his short, precious life was spent with us, that we had the chance to hear his voice, to know him and the man he was. – Gege Sugue
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By Russel Roxas, TM

“You don't drink an '82 Bordeaux just because it's sitting on your shelf. Great things take time.” A quote I never forget from the day I met John Tucker.

John Tucker is the star in the movie, John Tucker must die. Not the hot, godly Jesse MetCalfe but the character he portrayed in this movie that got me hooked with the name JOHN TUCKER. After watching that movie, I started recalling all the John Tuckers in my life. Yes, I’ve dealt with a lot of them; either as a partner, relative, friend, classmate and officemate. I’ve been a victim of a John Tucker, an accessory to John Tucker’s crime of cheating and I was a silent witness to his deeds. Overall, I ended getting hurt or allowing John Tucker to hurt other people. I hope there’s no John Tucker in this room. If there is, I’m pretty sure he’ll deny it. It’s just too bad that when I learned how to handle a John Tucker, it was already too late because I already became a victim… For the single ladies in this room, I hope that this will aid you in identifying the John Tuckers of your life and help you in managing them... that is, if you haven’t been a victim yet. For those already taken, you’ll probably reminisce with me as I go a long and might realize that you’ve also dated one before. As for the gentlemen of this room, esp. those who deny that they are a John Tucker… BEWARE!

John Tucker is a popular, sexy, talented and a complete player. In the movie, he dates three girls at once. In reality, a John Tucker would probably date more. The BIG adjective would be TOTAL MANIPULATOR… The cheater

Two-Timers (or can be three-timers or four, but let’s use two as a benchmark) love the ladies… in a good way. Their excuse is that if they didn't truly love all of the ladies with which they go out, they would never two-time, it's just too much stress for them.

There are different types of two-timers, or let say John Tuckers
The seasonal two-timer is one of the easiest ways to get into the two-timing groove. Seasonal two-timing simply means that you only have one real girlfriend, but the girlfriend depends on the season. For example, you are a college student whose home is in, let's say Cebu, and you're going to college in oh, let's say Dela Salle, Manila. So, growing up in Cebu, you have a girlfriend, whom you love, and you want to stay with in Cebu. However, Cebu is so far away that you get lonely without her. So, in Manila, you get yourself another girlfriend for the school year. It’s an easy way to go because the distance might be a cover for your afterschool affairs and you’ll most likely not be caught.

Then you have the casual two-timers. This is a risk-free way to go, but the consequences can be brutal. This method means that they two-time or even three-time but never officially commit to one of the girls.

Lastly, the maniac John Tucker. The Maniac is the guy who just loves girls so much that one, or two, or three isn't/aren’t enough. The Maniac just likes the ladies, as many as he can handle. The reason why they’re named as such is because there is so much stress associated with one chick that it is quite a task to have more than 2. So it’s either his a masochist or don’t value self-preservation at all.

But no matter what type of two-timer or John Tucker he is, note that he is not immune to being tamed by the ladies who have enough knowledge to handle them. So ladies, I am giving you the armor on how to protect yourself against the possible John Tuckers of your life.

Lesson no. 1: Never assume. Research. Often times the guy would look nice and single when he approaches you even when he is still asking for a date. Of course he has to be for you to fall to his trap. Luckily in this era of technological advancement where social networking and blogging is the way to go there are sites that can help you unravel the truth even for the unpopular ones. Try searching for his name in Friendster, Facebook, Multiply, etc. Often times he has an account even though he may not be the one to set it up… Maybe the legal “girlfriend” made your job easier by setting up the account herself. That’s why sometimes even John Tucker himself doesn’t even know that it exists. And even if he is the one who set-up the account, most likely the legal girlfriend would be able to open it to make sure that the status of the account is “in relationship”.

Lesson no. 2: Never give the guy an opportunity to use pet names for you. It might not be out of affection but so he won’t mixed up his girlfriends’ names. If he insists you call each other with endearments. Try to think of something unique that he will not be able to use with his other girlfriends. Don’t go for baby, honey, sweetheart try “pangga” or cupcake, or whatever. Be creative

Lesson No. 3: This may sound crazy, but this is extremely important. John Tucker’s might occasionally joke about two-timing. Joking about it will give him a feel of how mad the girl would be and how far out of the country he would need to run if, unfortunately she ever found that he’s two-timing. They also think that if they drop hints like that you will be less likely to suspect. Finally, if you find out, he can say that he tried to tell you (through his jokes), and it will almost be the truth.

Lesson No. 4: Never extract the truth from him. Even if you tell him nicely and say “it’s okay for him to tell you”, they know it’s just a trick. Never try to inspect his mobile phone; you’ll not get anything there because most likely he’ll have another unit either under his bed, in his locked closet and even in his office’s mobile cabinet. The more you obviously you extract information from him the more he’ll be careful.

Lastly, never go on a date in outrageous places. It’s crazy for you to go to SM Fairview just to watch a movie when you both live in Makati. Or go out-of-town every weekend which is just very tiring. Often times, he is trying to avoid common places where the other girl hangs out or her crowd.

There are more things that you can still do other than what I’ve mentioned to recognize and handle a John Tucker, I just identified a few. These tips may or may not work all the time but it’s better that you try them or at least arm yourself with these knowledge, We have heard time and again that a “good man” is hard to find. But it is also better if we can bring out the good side of a John Tucker, don’t you think. Going back to the movie, the lead actress Kate indeed made John Tucker fell in love with her at the end. This only means that people like John can also love and learn from his mistakes. That’s when you can say that you really tamed a John Tucker. In my case, I learned how to handle a John Tucker the hard way but it helped me a lot that I was also raised by a person who also used to be a John Tucker – My Dad. But that’s another story for another speech.
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By Russel Roxas, TM

Lisa Leslie, Tina Thompson, Becky Hammon, do the names ring a bell? Maybe to some who are into WNBA but to others, it might not even trigger a spark in their neuron. What about Jester Teh, Bimbi Manalaysay, Ericka Dy, Manalo Twins, Julie Amos?


They are the female cagers who excel in the UAAP league same time as Bal David, Ronald Magtulis, JC Intal, Ren Ren Ritualo and Mark Telan. Now I see nods and hear “ahs”. Jester Teh, Julie Amos and Bimbi Manalaysay are my inspiration when I was still starting my college basketball career.
There are a lot of outstanding female players in the field of basketball, soccer, and judo in the Philippines. But often times, they are unrecognized and even frowned upon. The idea of sports always has a masculine viewpoint. It is considered unladylike for women to participate in certain sports, especially those that are primarily male dominated.
After this speech, you will learn to appreciate women who dominate rough sports and realize that they can be athletic and act like real women at the same time.
The public often fascinates female athletes in the sports tennis, golf, figure skating, and gymnastics. These sports demonstrate the agility and elegance "natural" to women. The individual stars are known, culturally at least, more for their "feminine" attributes like glamour and grace. The general public recognizes athletes on their feminine beauty and objectified status, rather than their athletic skill. That is a major drawback to women's sports. And probably a significant reason why many women drop out of sports or have their sexual identity questioned when they try to prove their athleticism.
I have played the basketball for 8 years beginning high school, 2 years of which is in the UAAP league. During the four years of my basketball career I’ve been courted by my teammate who has the mentality that women who get into basketball are into that type of relationship. Two years, I’ve been teased for applying make-up after every game. For eight years I’ve worked so hard trying to excel at the sports and at the same time prove my feminine side.
This issue of gender in sport occurs all the time. The masculine assumptions of team sports challenge the individualist and moralist ideologies that construct sports such as figure skating and gymnastics. The women of the WNBA have had to manage a contradictory set of cultural images and strategies. They need to reassure fans that although they are not dancing gracefully over the ice in designer outfits, professional female basketball players are feminine beings. Do you know that Lisa Leslie is one of the few WNBAA players who can dunk and at the same time one of the known figures who walk the runways of Los Angeles. I am sort of like her except for the dunking part which is my lifetime dream.
Why can’t we be accepted as athletic and sexy at the same time? What happens when society cannot accept women as athletes and feminine beings all in one package? This has a dramatic affect on athletes. The lesbian stereotype exerts pressure on athletes to demonstrate their femininity and heterosexuality. So, instead of athletes concentrating on training and competition, they have to spend their time defending their personal lives and sexuality, also reassuring their audiences that women involved in sports are indeed women. My college coach had to send us to personality development trainings instead of using the additional training hours for roadwork and tune-up games just to make sure we exude our feminine side when we are off the courts.
It is not surprising that sports such as hockey, basketball, and weightlifting, which resemble masculine athletics, have the greatest need to attract audiences and the fear of lesbianism are most prominent. But attracting audience is still yet another challenge. In my two years in the UAAP league, never was one of my games featured on TV. Not even the Championship game we had in Araneta. In sponsorships, we got less compared to our male counterparts. We ended up having just one pair of game shoes and one pair of practice shoes while the men’s team had four. Our allowance was by far lower compared to the men’s team.
Even the career path for professional female ballers is few. It is actually just limited to RP Team and WPBL. Both have less exposure in terms of publicity. Another example is the women involved in bodybuilding end up joining bodybuilding contests. Now, the contestants should be judged on muscle tone of the body right? Wrong. To define which woman has the best and most well defined body, the judges feel compelled to define "body" in relation to the "woman" form. There was one time when I was watching “Sa pula, Sa Puti in Eat Bulaga” The competition is between female and male bodybuilders. My colleagues’ reaction to the women is “eiiwww, scary” but to the male bodybuilders, “wow” – note the reaction came from both men and women.
Although women athletes experience many drawbacks, there are positive aspects to women competing in non-traditional sports. They open the door to something new, that although it may not be socially acceptable right now. These female athletes also works towards providing younger generation women more opportunities in sport. Some of my teammates in college are now coaching the same sports in high school and even basketball clinics. Eventually, the hard work and effort they put in will make it easier for women to enter into sports that they typically wouldn't and maybe there will even be more funding for women's sports and organizations.
Sports has become an essential part of the culture for women. Health issues are always important and let's face it, everyone whether male or female needs to incorporate physical activity into their daily routine. so what if a woman sweats when she is at the gym or playing a sport, it just proves that she is working hard at what she is doing. So, in a way, sport provides communication with other people and improves the physical, mental, and emotional well being of a woman.
I think we just need to look past the negative aspects of sport because they can distract athletes or even cause them to stop doing what they love. Pressure from society to fit in is always a hard thing to deal with and those who overcome the remarks from audiences or critics become the better person in the long run by looking back at what they have accomplished, what they have left behind for many other generations of women athletes to follow. I encourage you to see them beyond their jerseys and uniforms but with their contribution to our society.
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By Russel Roxas, TM

You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles at you and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down a hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better. Not only did I get that from Rebecca Bloomwood of the phenomenal book and movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic but I also related to her feelings when I watched that movie and when I read that book.

Yes, I consider myself to be a fairly stylin’ avatar lady. I know all the hip places to shop. I keep up with new releases, and am always on the lookout for cool, new, and undiscovered treasures. Plus I’m pretty easy on the eyes if I do say so myself. And I have this thing about matching. I love to match. I guess you can even call me a matching whore.
Fashion is constantly changing. One season, designers will say that black is chic and color isn’t. The next season, black is suddenly boring and white is in or purple or lime, or whatever. So every time trend changes, what should a fashion addict like me would do but to rehash my array of wardrobe to conform to the standards? So I take long, hard look at my closet, review what I have, and check what’s missing. Then I shop for it. It really turns out bad when I just intend to buy a pair of matching shoes for my planned outfit but eventually buy the Micheal Kor’s belt, the Chloe earrings, the scarf and the bangles to go with the shoes and dress.
Living up to the standards of the fashion industry becomes hard work once you start with it. There are some hardships that I have to go through including the fear that a fashion police might arrest me if I show up in a disgusting ensemble. And there are tons of books and magazines that you have to read and buy to update yourself such as this… and this..
Yes, it is a dangerous lifestyle. So you might ask why I even bother to be one of them – the fashion addicts. Well, when I started, I never knew that I’ll be addicted just like how a chain smoker starts out by just having some trial puffs with a friend then later on evolving into a fire breathing dragon. The same thing happened to me. I just started out by borrowing outfits from my doormate in college. Then I got attracted to matching outfits with shoes, bags and accessories. My fondness for styling got worse when I entered the fashion industry as part-time runway model. Being in that industry gave me the backstage access to the trends that will come out in the next two to three months. Wouldn’t you love to be ahead of every one else and be the trendsetter? I got attracted to the idea so I ended up buying the outfits that I wore during fashion shows. Now I’m into the obsession of maintaining my 60 pairs of shoes that I immediately buy a new one in case one of the 60 wears out. Then, there’s this group of tall gorgeous girls that you get to hang out with during photo shoots or even night outs. Of course, you can’t be seen wearing something crappy when everyone else in your crowd looks like they just stepped out from the centerfold of Preview magazine. So that’s when I started jeopardizing myself, my bank account and my credit cards. Not to mention the nights that I spent taking out the stains in my suede Chinese Laundry pumps and scrapping the dirt and gum out of my favorite Betsy Johnson. Other than the mental and physical labor, there are also general impressions that we have to deal with such as “we are just a bunch of airhead bimbos who know nothing but applying make-up, and fixing our hair”. Which is of course, not entirely true. It takes a lot of hard work, creativity and imagination to coordinate palettes of eye shadows and come up with the desirable look.
But what I like about my lifestyle is I was able to extend a helping hand to those people who need my help in aesthetics. I was able to give my boss sound advise on what to wear on different occasions and the right place to shop for them. I was able to give my colleagues quick remedies for zits that came out in the morning but need to go away in the evening of the same day because of a big date. I also set a benchmark on fashionable business attire for staff to be artistic in the way they wear their office uniforms. Remember that dressing for success is a smart tactic. For how we’re perceived can go a long way towards helping us achieve. Since I am also in a corporate arena, I believe that by looking good and classy I am able to project an image that my company pays their people really well that they can afford to be stylish even if in reality that’s not the case. And, as a token of my appreciation to butter n toast, I will offer my services to be every member’s fashion consultant free of charge. So, who wants to be my first customer? (check with the audience). Just don’t complain if one day I show up in your place, raid your closet, toss some stuff in the garbage can and get your credit card to get you started on shopping for your new collection.
Being fashionable doesn’t mean that I have to go with the flow all the time. And I don’t mindlessly follow every trend just because someone told me it was cool. True style is unique personal expression. It’s a way of dressing to match my character that no one else can imitate. And, As long as I am happy and I believe that I always look good no matter what I wear or how I look, I think I’ll survive. That’s when I can conclude that being fashionable is not a dangerous lifestyle after all.
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By Mike Joseph G. Macapagal

“It’s always the simple things in life that makes us truly happy”

According to Confucius, life is really simple, but we just insist on making it complicated. Do you agree?

Think of the things that makes us happy or made us happy in the past. Are you happy with the thought of buying that dream condo? Don’t you love the anticipation of taking home that new BMW? I do, of course.

But what about looking at the sunset after a long day at the office? Getting home, seeing your children watching TV together? Spending a couple of minutes with your friends? Or how about remembering the time when you met your first love? Do these seemingly simple things make you happy?

My parents always told us that we should always dream big and strive hard to reach our dreams no matter what, but we must always think of the importance of being simple and humble in life.

Let me tell you a story about my childhood. We were pretty well-off back then, when I was a kid. If you knew me back then, you might even say that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I considered myself lucky, because as a kid, I could have all the toys that I wanted. I had an older brother and if you went into our room, you’d find the most expensive toys scattered everywhere. We could ask for anything that we wanted and we would get it. We were really fortunate back then because we lived a very comfortable life.

Everything was fine. That is, until my mom was diagnosed with bone cancer. I didn’t really understand the gravity of the situation at that time, for I was just 5 years old, but I knew that something was wrong. My mom, because of her sickness, had to undergo a lot of treatments, numerous checkups and she had to take a lot of medicine, which were really expensive. Pretty soon my dad had to quit his work in Ayala Land just so he could take care of my mom full-time. And shortly after that, our family had a serious financial crisis.

Everything changed. More so, when my mom died. We were no longer the kids who always had the latest and most expensive toys. After my mom died, my dad, to support the family, tried to put up and maintain a small repair shop, using what was left of our savings. He no longer had the high paying job that he once had. Everything was now different. The adjustment for the family was not easy, especially for me, because I was the youngest. All of us had to tighten our belts. It was really hard.

After a few years of raising us alone, my dad finally met someone who could help him in caring for us, his sons. She met our step-mom. Lucky for him! - But bad luck for us. My step-mom, she was the “monster mom”. Being the spoiled brats that we were, she was always scolding us. All-the-time. Clean your room, brush your teeth, clean yourself up! We really hated her!

But going back and thinking about it, I think my step mom was the reason our family got back on track. The timing was just right. She was the one who taught us brothers the importance of simplicity and the value of being close to ones’ family, that expensive toys are not everything. She taught us how to value our education. She with my dad, even with the money problems, worked hard just to send us to a good school, because they know that it’ll be a benefit for us in the future.

My parents taught us how to enjoy and be content with the simple pleasures of life. And I’m thankful to them because their lessons formed what I am right now. Because of them, even when facing the hardships in life, I can still truly say that I am happy.

Try to reflect and think of the times when you were happy. Was it when you purchased that new Nike shoes or that Louie Vuitton? Or was it when you were spending the afternoon with your family and friends?

The current times sometimes makes our lives more complicated than we can handle. It puts too much pressure on us. In such state, we must be mindful and make a conscious effort to not let life just pass us by. Sometimes try to stop and smell the flowers, admire the sunset, enjoy the little pleasures of life, which aren’t little at all, and most importantly, love life. Remember... “It’s always the simple things in life that makes us truly happy”. (Read more!)