Teaching a Horse How to Fly

I felt it was a Christmas gift intended for me! – to have taken the role of "Table Topics Master" in the last regular meeting of Butter N’ Toast for 2008. It may not be something that other members would consider a great achievement, but for me, it was a major breakthrough.

I’ve always been afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. Come to think of it, I feel that I haven’t even defined my comfort zone yet as a member of Toastmasters. The roles of Toastmaster of the Evening and Table Topics Master are two roles I couldn’t imagine myself doing. And right after screwing up with my last two speeches? “No, I don’t think I can do it.”

I was a bundle of nerves when I agreed with my mentor Alvin Tan, to do the Table Topics Master. Actually, I didn’t remember agreeing with him! Aha, he coerced me, he volunteered me without my consent and left me with no other choice. “Kasubuan na”. I didn’t exactly know what he was up to, but maybe he had that gut feel that only a mentor would know.

To console me and show his support, he announced to take the role of the Toastmaster of the Evening, only to tell me later that he won't be able to attend the meeting for some reason. As the thoughtful guy that he is, he didn’t leave me in the lurch. He sent me some tips condensed from an article about Table Topics he got from the TM website. I learned later that he spoke to Boom, who, took over the role of “TM of the PM.” Boom’s reply to my email when I told him I was going to be late: “If you come late, we’ll do Table Topics after the Prepared Speeches. Alvin said that you need it.” Alvin was really insistent to put me in that role.

And so it was. Last Thursday was one of the rare evenings when Table Topics came after the prepared speeches because I was late. I felt relieved, that at least, I would only have a few more minutes left to sulk in embarrassment if I mess up again. It was also a rare night when my prophecy of failing was not fulfilled. Instead of being messed up, it was probably my best speaking performance as a Toastmaster. I had the usual grammatical lapses, few awkward actions, but those were easily shrouded by some humorous lines.

I passed a new milestone in my Toastmaster career. I proved to myself that I can handle the role of a Table Topics Master and that I can make my audience laugh. Immediate Past District 75 Governor, Gina Mapua, who served as the General Evaluator that night, also made me realize I can get my message across, when she commented that my explanation about Table Topics and its importance was one of the best explanations she’s heard so far. I was in an overwhelming natural high after the meeting that I missed to congratulate the other speakers for the great speeches they delivered. I couldn’t believe I didn’t mess up, and that I actually did well. It was the happiest, most glorious night for me at the Old Makati Stock Exchange as we rode our way down in the elevator and to Starbucks.

It was exactly a year ago when I first attended Butter N’ Toast. It was also their last regular meeting for 2007. I had second thoughts of not joining because I was really intimidated when I saw how good these people were. I couldn’t see how a jargon-filled, stiff, and aloof individual like me would fit in.

Well, let me say this now -- joining Butter N’ Toast Toastmasters Club was probably the best decision I made last year, and it was all worth it. It was worth the time I spent preparing for my speeches and rehearsing them, worth the money I paid for the membership, fuel, toll fee, parking and coffee, worth driving from Bulacan to Manila only to find out that I am one week early for the meeting, worth sacrificing meetings and going out with friends. Toastmasters is a school worth attending, a school where we learn lessons, face challenges, learn to lead, achieve goals, receive rewards, sometimes bullied (that's if either Ed or Boom is around.. hehe.. peace Bros) and more importantly, make friends.

In the world of public speaking, it’s hard to teach a horse how to fly, but if there are people who can teach you how, they are in Butter N’ Toast. I haven’t flown yet, but with a mentor like Alvin to stretch my limits, the support of intelligent but down to earth club officers, and the camaraderie exuded by old and new members alike, its only a matter of time before the horse that I am sprout wings and fly! – Thank you, Alvin, and thank you Guys! See you at the Christmas party!
:owenbraveheart

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Bite the Bullet!

It is 2:33AM in my computer and I’m about to write my first blog! Yipeeee, at least I’ll have a literary work online to boast about, if not to be ashamed of. So, please bear with me!

Unlike many of the BNT old-timers and even with the equally cerebral newcomers, I’m probably the least polished speaker or writer, if you will. Most members already knew my predicament, that English and Public Speaking are not my forte! I have verbalized that many times over, with Ed, Gege, Alvin, Mark, and even to the rest of the club in my speeches, introduction and casual chit-chat! I’m not going to deny that the thought of withdrawing my membership in TM troubled me for months. I felt vaguely uncomfortable during every meeting in whatever role I took, which is one of three things, timer, ah-counter and speaker, ‘coz I never really had the guts to volunteer for a TM of the PM nor Table Topics Master. And of course, I won’t dare do the Language Evaluator role even for a fee unless they’d ask me to do a comical “Language Evaluation” for a change.

Having been raised in a lower class family and being in a technical profession in my entire career with minimal social interaction molded me into a person who speaks only when necessary. I didn’t have the passion for reading non-technical books until I was 26. I didn’t have the need to speak publicly, nor converse in English so I was to be contented with my mediocre English, I needed not care if my grammar or pronunciation was wrong so long as I can be understood..

Things changed when I read Robert Kiyosaki’s books, which opened my eyes to a world entirely alien to me. I dreamt of running a business, of course, just like every person does, but that was to remain a dream until I finished reading 3 of his books - Rich Dad Poor Dad, Cash Flow Quadrant, Rich Dad’s Guide to Investing. And true to the principle in Psychology that repetitive thinking creates a mental pattern – a mindset that is, I awoke one day giving up my promising career as a Telecom Engineer and did everything I could to jump from “E Quadrant” - Employment to the “B Quadrant” – running my own business.

I was a “Jack of All Trades” in the Telecom and IT arena, I can execute an MML command to diagnose an ET while half asleep. What the hell is MML and ET anyway? Don’t bother asking yourself, those are my jargon, together with SQL STATEMENTS, REGISTRY, CM, E1, SS7. I bet they don’t make sense to the common “tao.”

Then, after reading Kiyosaki’s books and in one fell swoop, I didn’t need my jargon anymore. The business world that I’m now in calls for me to speak in layman’s terms. To speak in a way that my clients, partners, and subordinates would understand. And more importantly to speak in a way that can motivate, persuade, and that can bring them “AWE”. But wait, I hear something inside me saying, “You’re an Engineer, Owen. You were born to develop, program, translate, convert, compute, optimize, not to persuade, motivate, convince.” That voice haunted me for months. For years.

Feeling the need to enhance my communication skills, I enrolled in a special course at the DLSU for advance conversational English. I’m not saying that the course was crap, but I guess it didn’t work for me. Or is it just really tough to teach old dogs new tricks? Never giving up, I kept on searching for something that will work for me until I found toastmasters website, which was in the first place of my Google Search. And so was Gege’s contact number. The rest is history!

December 13 marks my first year in ButterNToast. With a few accomplishments, a couple of Timer and AH-Counter roles, delivered three speeches (aiming to deliver my 4th speech this Nov 13 ) and falling victim to the hair raising Table Topic Monsters three times. Leveling myself to the likes of Alvin, Gege, Boom, Ed and the rest of the gang remains a far fetched reality. I did feel I was improving but when brilliant newcomers joined in, Louie, Cris, Christine, Mark and the relentless pouring of talented new blood in the club, I felt something deteriorating. And that was my competitive spirit. It’s like saying “’di ko pa nga nahahabol ‘tong mga dinatnan ko, eto’t nagdatingan pa ang mas madaming magagaling, lalo na kong mapapag iwanan”.

My inferiority complex haunted me again. Yeah, I know what we always say, and I can look straight into your eyes and tell you that I believe that the club is our laboratory, a testing ground, a friendly environment to learn. But my self-image won’t believe that; my self-image is convinced that I’m not at par with any of the members and for all we know, the guests. I know I won’t get hanged by mispronouncing a word nor be shot in the head by not using the correct preposition, but the fear is just as real. At least that’s how I feel.

Right now, I’m running a battle, but a battle I realized I can win. There’s no way I can get rid of my fears in the days to come since I don’t have control over them. It is my self-image that creates that fear, the subconscious as they say.

But last week, I made a startling discovery after reading Boom’s “BNT Night out at the Rocci Café”. He commented on Carmel Valencia’s near perfect evaluation of Ed’s speech. I was really amazed, if not stupefied, by this young girl’s flawless diction and eloquent delivery not to mention her organized and concise evaluation of Ed’s speech. She became my instant crush - at least that night! ;) ( Hi Carmel! Blushing!) Curious about what kind of divine power is surrounding this girl that she can give such an intelligent evaluation that seemed so effortless, I Googled “Carmel Valencia” and Ta Dah, Carmel’s linkedin.com profile, first in the results page. Nothing extra ordinary, at least compared to other young achievers, but something struck me and it hit me hard. Her "Education"

International School of Singapore, Poveda Learning Center, Ateneo de Manila University ???

Big eyes rolling!

Whhhhaaaaaaatttt?? How on earth will I compare that with my Segundo Esguera Sr. Memorial Elementary School -SEMES, my Calumpit Institute and “What did you say your University was? University of the Philippines?” – “No, its Polytechnic University of the Philippines!" – galit pa! Geez!

I had mixed thoughts of excitement and renewed enthusiasm. But of course, I can’t become like Carmel overnight, nor be like Gege, nor Boom, nor Ed... Alvin.. Sheila.. Jun Roy.. Tisha.. Mars.. Wew.. "lahat na yata kayo!" I am not them, neither did I have the same privilege most of them enjoyed – happy childhood, good education, supportive family, or careers that steered them to where they are today!

Now, I realized that I don't belong to that "minority" who can’t speak English properly and can't deliver rhetorical impromptu speeches, So, I’m not autistic after all. I’m just a normal person, one of the masses! In fact, I recall countless guests, who like me, would freeze up and quiver when called upon to introduce themselves or give comments. The truth is, I now feel that I'm one of the braver souls compared to many of them since I did not see them come back after perhaps that embarrassing moment, - at least in their own perception .. (Not that I’m trying to scare away wanna-be-members or guests here; it's not the point I want to make ) There would be, of course, people who will not see the light! There would be people who’ll decide to hide their light under the bushel than to face their fears!

Now, I know and I’d reaffirm once again that I’m the worst speaker in the club but I’d stop unfairly comparing myself to others. It will do me no good. I will continue to be inspired by these brilliant minds so I can do likewise, not tomorrow, not next year, maybe not in this lifetime - in terms of being at par with them, but doing likewise in terms of how they continuously develop themselves.

I will stop aiming for superiority for it will only give me impossible goals to shoot for. I can never be superior because someone else will always be better than me! I would not aim for superiority nor would I embrace inferiority! From now on, I will keep one thing in mind, that I am not superior, I am not inferior, I am simply Me! Because only by being true to myself will I be able to express what I feel, what is lurking there in the deepest corners of my heart and mind! “That I fell in love Carmel?” hehe… No, that I was born to be happy! And I can only be happy if I’ll be able to live life with gusto and enthusiasm while pursuing goals that matter to me. Now, I dare to "Bite the Bullet"!

And I encourage readers who are like me to do the same!

:owenbraveheart


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