By Christopher Siena, TM
If there is one big thing I learned in the course of life, it’s that I’ve learned to listen to my inner voice. Everyone has one. We call it different things: our moral compass, our instincts, and our conscience. Whatever we name it, we should always pay attention and listen to it. It makes us who we are.
Several years ago when I was in school, I came under intense pressure to from my teachers and fellow classmates to join the chorale. I was even “bribed” extra credits for joining the team. Another benefit was a chance to be excused in attending some classes. I badly need credits so I said “yes.” And in that moment, I knew I should have said “no.”
Deep down, I knew I didn’t want to join the chorale. I’m bad at singing. I hate the songs they sing. I hate the costume. I hate everything about it. My inner voice was nagging me loud and clear, “Chris, don’t do it. You’re not a singer. You don’t like the chorale.”
I didn’t listen.
It was only after a few practice sessions, when I realized I couldn’t fool myself anymore. So, I left the chorale. I dodged awkward glances from my classmates and received reprimands from the teachers who recommended me. And I must say, those were not the best days of my academic life but it reaffirmed my belief in following my inner voice.
A far more personal moment came when my inner voice told me to do something and I didn’t listen. It was the day my brother was about to undergo a brain surgery. After some light talk and a few minutes, it was time for me to leave. As I saw him lying in his hospital bed I had an overwhelming urge to give him a hug and wish him well.
My inner voice was telling me, “Chris, do it. Hug him. This could be the last.”
“But, that kind of emotional display was out of character for us and we’re not really that close even though he’s my brother. So, I didn’t do it.
He didn’t survive the surgery. He died the next day. I could remember his last words, “See you on Monday.” Now, I will be waiting for that “Monday” the rest of my life…
My inner voice was telling me loud and clear, “Chris, do it.” Why didn’t I listen?
As I look back I realized that most of the mistakes came when I didn’t listen to myself, when I didn’t trust my instincts. If you think about it, there are many voices coming at us every day and from different directions. Sometimes Internal – Voices inside your mind telling you to become someone else. This should not be mistaken to your inner voice because your inner voice upholds your values and not be guilty or ashamed of your own values. Sometimes External – People are telling you what to do, what to like or what not to like.
With all these voices, life can be very confusing. But, as I believe, there is only one person who really knows who you are and what you want, and that is you.
Sometimes we stop listening. I believe we should. And we should listen very carefully. Only then will you be able to hear our inner voice. And after that – do what it says. Just do it.
Showing posts with label Christopher Siena. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christopher Siena. Show all posts
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Toastmasters Speech No. 5: " We Don't Need to Save the Earth"
By Christopher Siena, TM
It’s annoying. It’s annoying when people talk about “saving the Earth.” Those so called “environmentalists” really did it. They brain-washed the population into thinking that the earth needs to be saved. Stop for a moment and think. Do we really need to save the earth? I don’t so and here are my reasons:
1. We can’t. When we pollute the air around us with toxic gases or dump garbage in the rivers, will the earth die? No. But we will…
The earth will continue living with or without us. Simply said, the earth does not need us. Thinking of saving the earth is an arrogant attempt of man to “control” the environment. But the truth is we don’t control the environment. We simply can’t.
2. The thought of saving the earth is not just arrogant, it’s also insincere. Think about it. If an incineration plant (which pollutes the air) is constructed near our homes, we suddenly become vigilant environmentalist lobbying against incineration and its dangers to the earth’s atmosphere. But, if a golf course is constructed near our homes, we welcome it with open arms thinking that it will increase the land value of our properties. However, when you think about it, golf courses like incineration plants pollute our environment. The fertilizers used in making the grasses green are dumped in the sewage system causing abnormal growth of microorganisms that cause water pollution in rivers and seas.
Bottomline – if the pollutant decreases the land value of our properties, it’s bad but if the pollutant increases the land value, we welcome it with open arms. How insincere can we get?
3. It’s not about salvation. It’s about novelty. We don’t want to save the earth. We want the earth to be our personal theme park. We want to save endangered species because it’s the novel thing to do – it gives us bragging rights to say that “we have this species of bird and you don’t.” We brag about the majestic and endangered monkey-eating eagle but we don’t give a hoot about the lonely, fat pig. When, in fact, pigs are one of our staple foods.
When you think about it more than 90% of extinct species of animals in the world is not caused by humans. The dinosaurs became extinct. We didn’t kill them. It’s normal for animals to become extinct due to their inability to adapt to the changing environment. It’s just how things work. We want to preserve these animals not because we care about them but because these animals are collections that boost our ever-growing egos. Imagine yourself owning an endangered species of bird – you can brag about it, saying that your bird is big and majestic. Most importantly, it’s endangered. You can charge tourists to view your bird. If you think about it, it is just another arrogant and insincere attempt to think highly of ourselves. Plus, it a money maker.
I have a theory. If we kill 99.99% of the population of fat and lonely pigs in the planet, we will think differently of pigs. We will give more importance to pigs than we give to eagles. Think about it. If there’s such a thing as “animal racism” that’s one perfect example. It’s arrogant and insincere. It’s narrow and unenlightened self interest – nothing else.
Fellow toastmasters and guests, don’t get me wrong. I am not against environmentalism. I believe that we should stop pollution or at least minimize it because we want to survive. . Let’s do it for the right reasons. Let’s not save the environment. Instead, let’s save ourselves. Only when we acknowledge the fact that we are dependent on the environment instead of thinking that the environment is dependent on us, will we be able to truly understand – the earth does not need salvation but we do…
It’s annoying. It’s annoying when people talk about “saving the Earth.” Those so called “environmentalists” really did it. They brain-washed the population into thinking that the earth needs to be saved. Stop for a moment and think. Do we really need to save the earth? I don’t so and here are my reasons:
1. We can’t. When we pollute the air around us with toxic gases or dump garbage in the rivers, will the earth die? No. But we will…
The earth will continue living with or without us. Simply said, the earth does not need us. Thinking of saving the earth is an arrogant attempt of man to “control” the environment. But the truth is we don’t control the environment. We simply can’t.
2. The thought of saving the earth is not just arrogant, it’s also insincere. Think about it. If an incineration plant (which pollutes the air) is constructed near our homes, we suddenly become vigilant environmentalist lobbying against incineration and its dangers to the earth’s atmosphere. But, if a golf course is constructed near our homes, we welcome it with open arms thinking that it will increase the land value of our properties. However, when you think about it, golf courses like incineration plants pollute our environment. The fertilizers used in making the grasses green are dumped in the sewage system causing abnormal growth of microorganisms that cause water pollution in rivers and seas.
Bottomline – if the pollutant decreases the land value of our properties, it’s bad but if the pollutant increases the land value, we welcome it with open arms. How insincere can we get?
3. It’s not about salvation. It’s about novelty. We don’t want to save the earth. We want the earth to be our personal theme park. We want to save endangered species because it’s the novel thing to do – it gives us bragging rights to say that “we have this species of bird and you don’t.” We brag about the majestic and endangered monkey-eating eagle but we don’t give a hoot about the lonely, fat pig. When, in fact, pigs are one of our staple foods.
When you think about it more than 90% of extinct species of animals in the world is not caused by humans. The dinosaurs became extinct. We didn’t kill them. It’s normal for animals to become extinct due to their inability to adapt to the changing environment. It’s just how things work. We want to preserve these animals not because we care about them but because these animals are collections that boost our ever-growing egos. Imagine yourself owning an endangered species of bird – you can brag about it, saying that your bird is big and majestic. Most importantly, it’s endangered. You can charge tourists to view your bird. If you think about it, it is just another arrogant and insincere attempt to think highly of ourselves. Plus, it a money maker.
I have a theory. If we kill 99.99% of the population of fat and lonely pigs in the planet, we will think differently of pigs. We will give more importance to pigs than we give to eagles. Think about it. If there’s such a thing as “animal racism” that’s one perfect example. It’s arrogant and insincere. It’s narrow and unenlightened self interest – nothing else.
Fellow toastmasters and guests, don’t get me wrong. I am not against environmentalism. I believe that we should stop pollution or at least minimize it because we want to survive. . Let’s do it for the right reasons. Let’s not save the environment. Instead, let’s save ourselves. Only when we acknowledge the fact that we are dependent on the environment instead of thinking that the environment is dependent on us, will we be able to truly understand – the earth does not need salvation but we do…
Monday, March 30, 2009
Toastmasters Speech No. 4: "Living the Moment"
1 year, 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds – this is how we measure the time of our lives. Depends on how you look at it.
Most people say that life flies too quickly. Before you knew it, a new president was elected. A new cellphone was released to the market. Prices of gasoline tripled. You can’t see your age in the calendar anymore.
For all we know, we hardly notice how time flies for the reason that we tend to reside in the past to relive the special moments of our lives. And I mean moment with a capital “M.” These moments can be a memory, life altering events or conversations. Your first day at school. Your first kiss that remained in your lips for some time. Your first awkward encounter with the opposite sex. The time you had a fist fight. The time when you had an accident. The time you almost died. The list goes on and on.
And, these moments conjures feelings of the past. It makes you happy. It makes you sad. It sends you to a rollercoaster of emotions. But one thing’s for certain-you relieve these moments on and on as if it was forever.
Almost always it is coupled with deep longing thoughts of “shoulda-woulda-coulda” - what could have happened if I lived my life differently? Perhaps, I should have done it this way… Or that? What if I didn’t broke up with her? What if I chose a different career? What if?
And, yes, I know. It nags you to the core. But, these thoughts make you think and let you learn things only experience can provide. Come to think of it - most of our decisions, values and even prejudices came from our past experiences.
As we go on living our lives, we hardly notice how time flies. How short our lives are becoming. How more and more things are left undone. Our sense of time is distorted into a playback and rewind of events, people and situations. Before we knew it, we are living in the past.
Our fear of letting go, holds us back from new experiences. Silly as it may seem, we hold these moments tightly because they are special and meaningful. But, they hinder us from learning new things or starting a new chapter of our lives.
Fellow toastmasters and guests, don’t get me wrong. These special moments have its purpose and served you well. It would be wasteful to continue to relive our past at the expense of the present.
Think of it. Here’s an example: We fill up our rooms with things that remind us of our past for the fear that we will lose a part of ourselves when take them a way. Love letters, rusted trophies, useless books, and the first tooth that came off your mouth. Who is guilty? I am.
If you look at it on the hindsight, we only have to look at the mirror and see. We are… our past. We don’t need things to remind us of who we were, who we are and who we are to become.
So, let us cast them aside to provide space in our heart or in our rooms for new things and experiences. Let us ask ourselves: When was the last time we I did something for the first time? Tried something I thought I’d never do? Let’s act on these questions.
There is still so much left undone and new experiences to create. We still have plenty of 1 year, 24 hours, 1440 minutes or 86400 seconds left to spare and I suggest we use it as much as we can.
Most people say that life flies too quickly. Before you knew it, a new president was elected. A new cellphone was released to the market. Prices of gasoline tripled. You can’t see your age in the calendar anymore.
For all we know, we hardly notice how time flies for the reason that we tend to reside in the past to relive the special moments of our lives. And I mean moment with a capital “M.” These moments can be a memory, life altering events or conversations. Your first day at school. Your first kiss that remained in your lips for some time. Your first awkward encounter with the opposite sex. The time you had a fist fight. The time when you had an accident. The time you almost died. The list goes on and on.
And, these moments conjures feelings of the past. It makes you happy. It makes you sad. It sends you to a rollercoaster of emotions. But one thing’s for certain-you relieve these moments on and on as if it was forever.
Almost always it is coupled with deep longing thoughts of “shoulda-woulda-coulda” - what could have happened if I lived my life differently? Perhaps, I should have done it this way… Or that? What if I didn’t broke up with her? What if I chose a different career? What if?
And, yes, I know. It nags you to the core. But, these thoughts make you think and let you learn things only experience can provide. Come to think of it - most of our decisions, values and even prejudices came from our past experiences.
As we go on living our lives, we hardly notice how time flies. How short our lives are becoming. How more and more things are left undone. Our sense of time is distorted into a playback and rewind of events, people and situations. Before we knew it, we are living in the past.
Our fear of letting go, holds us back from new experiences. Silly as it may seem, we hold these moments tightly because they are special and meaningful. But, they hinder us from learning new things or starting a new chapter of our lives.
Fellow toastmasters and guests, don’t get me wrong. These special moments have its purpose and served you well. It would be wasteful to continue to relive our past at the expense of the present.
Think of it. Here’s an example: We fill up our rooms with things that remind us of our past for the fear that we will lose a part of ourselves when take them a way. Love letters, rusted trophies, useless books, and the first tooth that came off your mouth. Who is guilty? I am.
If you look at it on the hindsight, we only have to look at the mirror and see. We are… our past. We don’t need things to remind us of who we were, who we are and who we are to become.
So, let us cast them aside to provide space in our heart or in our rooms for new things and experiences. Let us ask ourselves: When was the last time we I did something for the first time? Tried something I thought I’d never do? Let’s act on these questions.
There is still so much left undone and new experiences to create. We still have plenty of 1 year, 24 hours, 1440 minutes or 86400 seconds left to spare and I suggest we use it as much as we can.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Toastmasters Speech No. 3: " When I was Cheated"
By Christopher Siena, TM
I was cheated. I was cheated when I was in school not by my classmates but by the very exams that were suppose to measure my ratings and academic performance.
Grade 1: Math subject
We were given an exam on multiplication. Part 1 was a timed exam due within 5 minutes. We were supposed to answer a set of items such as 8 times four and 7 times 51 using mental math. No calculators were allowed.
With a snap of a finger, the teacher shouted, “Finished or not finished, pass your papers.” I was hesitant to do so. I was not finished with ten items to fill up. But, hell, I have to move on with part 2.
The second part was easy. No time pressure. You just have to solve the problems given. For example: Your father gave you a daily allowance of 100 pesos. How much will you be able to save in a week after spending 65 pesos a day?
The teacher checked the papers and after a day we were informed of our grades. I was given a perfect score for part 2 but the results of part 1 was devastating. Bottom line, I failed the test because part 1 has more items and thus have more bearing.
I was cheated that day. I felt that part 1 should have less bearing on exam. Why? Because part 1 is not a math exam. It doesn’t measure how good you are in applying mathematical principles. It just tests how good you are in memorizing the multiplication table.
I am not just cheated in math. I was consistently cheated in my other subjects due to the traditional belief that memory retention is the ultimate measure of academic success as thus success in later endeavors.
High School: History Subject
I was given an exam. The first part was enumeration. I have to write down names of Filipino Heroes. There was a question: Who was the Filipino hero who killed Magellan? I was tempted to answer Lapu Lapu because that was written in the history book that we were asked to memorize. I didn’t answer Lapu Lapu. Why? Because I believe he was not a Filipino in the first place. There was no national identity back then only tribal identity.
This is just my opinion and I may be wrong. What bothers me is not just that we are expected to memorize what is written in our textbooks but that we are also expected to believe on what’s written as if it is the ultimate truth. We are given a failing grade for not "learning" what is "taught."
Fellow toastmasters and guest, I’m sure you can relate on what I am saying: that one time or another, we are expected to memorize and believe what our teachers and textbooks say. We are taught to believe that what’s written in our textbooks are ultimate truths and that memorizing these texts will make us succeed later in life.
This is misleading because wrong measures lead to wrong results. We cheat ourselves when we think that memorizing the multiplication table will make us a better mathematician. We also cheat ourselves when we think that what is written in our textbooks is true and unbiased. We cheat ourselves more when believe and practice these things so earnestly.
So here’s my recommendation regarding this matter: STOP CHEATING YOURSELF. Instead of memorizing things, asking ourselves easy questions such as what, when and where, let us ask ourselves how and why. These are more important questions of learning wherein we are tasked to understand, be critical and have our own independent thoughts.
I was cheated. I was cheated when I was in school not by my classmates but by the very exams that were suppose to measure my ratings and academic performance.
Grade 1: Math subject
We were given an exam on multiplication. Part 1 was a timed exam due within 5 minutes. We were supposed to answer a set of items such as 8 times four and 7 times 51 using mental math. No calculators were allowed.
With a snap of a finger, the teacher shouted, “Finished or not finished, pass your papers.” I was hesitant to do so. I was not finished with ten items to fill up. But, hell, I have to move on with part 2.
The second part was easy. No time pressure. You just have to solve the problems given. For example: Your father gave you a daily allowance of 100 pesos. How much will you be able to save in a week after spending 65 pesos a day?
The teacher checked the papers and after a day we were informed of our grades. I was given a perfect score for part 2 but the results of part 1 was devastating. Bottom line, I failed the test because part 1 has more items and thus have more bearing.
I was cheated that day. I felt that part 1 should have less bearing on exam. Why? Because part 1 is not a math exam. It doesn’t measure how good you are in applying mathematical principles. It just tests how good you are in memorizing the multiplication table.
I am not just cheated in math. I was consistently cheated in my other subjects due to the traditional belief that memory retention is the ultimate measure of academic success as thus success in later endeavors.
High School: History Subject
I was given an exam. The first part was enumeration. I have to write down names of Filipino Heroes. There was a question: Who was the Filipino hero who killed Magellan? I was tempted to answer Lapu Lapu because that was written in the history book that we were asked to memorize. I didn’t answer Lapu Lapu. Why? Because I believe he was not a Filipino in the first place. There was no national identity back then only tribal identity.
This is just my opinion and I may be wrong. What bothers me is not just that we are expected to memorize what is written in our textbooks but that we are also expected to believe on what’s written as if it is the ultimate truth. We are given a failing grade for not "learning" what is "taught."
Fellow toastmasters and guest, I’m sure you can relate on what I am saying: that one time or another, we are expected to memorize and believe what our teachers and textbooks say. We are taught to believe that what’s written in our textbooks are ultimate truths and that memorizing these texts will make us succeed later in life.
This is misleading because wrong measures lead to wrong results. We cheat ourselves when we think that memorizing the multiplication table will make us a better mathematician. We also cheat ourselves when we think that what is written in our textbooks is true and unbiased. We cheat ourselves more when believe and practice these things so earnestly.
So here’s my recommendation regarding this matter: STOP CHEATING YOURSELF. Instead of memorizing things, asking ourselves easy questions such as what, when and where, let us ask ourselves how and why. These are more important questions of learning wherein we are tasked to understand, be critical and have our own independent thoughts.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Toastmasters Speech No. 2: "Thoughts on Being Alone"
By Christopher Siena, TM
Why?!
That was the reaction of my friends when they knew that I went alone to the beach to celebrate my 21st birthday. Their expressions in their faces were as if I have confessed a murder.
I was not at all surprised by their reaction. Society looks at people who spend alone in the beach with awkward glances. I could even recall a sly remark from my cousin who asked my why I don’t have company. I told him that I didn’t plan to spend it with them and that I prefer to be alone this day of the year.
But, fellow toastmasters and guests don’t get me wrong. I have no intention of spending my whole life alone like a hermit. Nor am I too proud to admit that I need human company… because I do. What kept me wondering is why people surround themselves with other people as if they were oxygen. Is it because most people are afraid to be perceived as lonely and thus miserable even though it is not always the case? But if it is, would it make any difference?
Misery is misery whether we are alone or with someone by our side. We feel miserable and alone when a loved one dies even if the wake is jam-packed with concerned individuals. So why not look at solitude as a gift rather than a curse? Why don’t we enjoy the moments we spend alone?
Being alone makes us look inside ourselves. It makes us assess our lives and makes us ask questions to ourselves. Let me illustrate my point. We listen to the radio. We listen to our Ipods. But when was the last time we listened to ourselves? When was the last time we heard our inner voice speaking to us – telling us what we really want, what we really desire? Do we desire the products that we hear in the radio? Do really understand the meaning of the love songs we hear in our Ipods? In these questions and private conversations, we get to know ourselves more.
Lastly, being alone means we control our time. Imagine a vacation where you don’t have to follow a schedule. You don’t have to wait for others to finish so that you can move on. You eat when you want. You swim when you want. You sleep when you want. No one will say that you’re a “kill-joy.” Simply said you don’t have to strike a compromise with someone else except yourself.
So try it! Have a vacation alone - away from the hustle and bustle of social life. Dodge those awkward glances. Relax and have a good time with yourself. Listen to the silence of yourself talking.
Why?!
That was the reaction of my friends when they knew that I went alone to the beach to celebrate my 21st birthday. Their expressions in their faces were as if I have confessed a murder.
I was not at all surprised by their reaction. Society looks at people who spend alone in the beach with awkward glances. I could even recall a sly remark from my cousin who asked my why I don’t have company. I told him that I didn’t plan to spend it with them and that I prefer to be alone this day of the year.
But, fellow toastmasters and guests don’t get me wrong. I have no intention of spending my whole life alone like a hermit. Nor am I too proud to admit that I need human company… because I do. What kept me wondering is why people surround themselves with other people as if they were oxygen. Is it because most people are afraid to be perceived as lonely and thus miserable even though it is not always the case? But if it is, would it make any difference?
Misery is misery whether we are alone or with someone by our side. We feel miserable and alone when a loved one dies even if the wake is jam-packed with concerned individuals. So why not look at solitude as a gift rather than a curse? Why don’t we enjoy the moments we spend alone?
Being alone makes us look inside ourselves. It makes us assess our lives and makes us ask questions to ourselves. Let me illustrate my point. We listen to the radio. We listen to our Ipods. But when was the last time we listened to ourselves? When was the last time we heard our inner voice speaking to us – telling us what we really want, what we really desire? Do we desire the products that we hear in the radio? Do really understand the meaning of the love songs we hear in our Ipods? In these questions and private conversations, we get to know ourselves more.
Lastly, being alone means we control our time. Imagine a vacation where you don’t have to follow a schedule. You don’t have to wait for others to finish so that you can move on. You eat when you want. You swim when you want. You sleep when you want. No one will say that you’re a “kill-joy.” Simply said you don’t have to strike a compromise with someone else except yourself.
So try it! Have a vacation alone - away from the hustle and bustle of social life. Dodge those awkward glances. Relax and have a good time with yourself. Listen to the silence of yourself talking.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Toastmasters Speech No.1: "Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous To Your Health"
By Christopher Siena, TM
I am a smoker. I started smoking when I was 13. Back then cigarettes tasted bitter but the idea of breathing tobacco in and out of your lungs is electrifying. Those were the days of innocence where life is perfect and love is forever. Then it hit me. I was rushed to the hospital due to my smoking habit. I sweared on my hospital bed that I wouldn’t smoke again.
But promises are made to be broken. When I entered college, almost everyone smoked, so I did. At that time, tobacco tasted like paper – empty and unappealing. So were my first subjects – math, social studies and religion. It was so easy, I never studied nor reviewed. Instead, I indulged myself to travel parties and occasional drunkenness. Life was perfect and the taste was addicting. Soon, my vices led me to different brands of expensive cigarettes – DJ Mix, West, West Ice and my favorite, Gudang Garam.
As I squandered my allowance, I met my first love. She had intoxicating looks, engaging features and addicting properties. We often spend time traveling, drinking and whispering sweet nothings. We were soul-mates and it was as if our love would live forever. Cigarettes tasted like sugar and I was totally hooked. My cravings became worse and worse. I started failing subjects. I knew I had to withdraw. And so I did. I broke up with her. I stopped smoking.
But my withdrawal was short-lived. I missed her so much that I started to smoke again. I couldn’t help it. By then, I started smoking Gudang Garam in excess amounts. The taste was sweet but strong. The smell was distinct and ambiguous – a few friends like it, most of them don’t.
It was too addicting and I began to dig deeper into addiction. I went on a depressive state and at my lowest, I met my 2nd love. She was irresistible. Like me she had an insatiable appetite for romance and intimacy. I knew our relationship wouldn’t go for long. Some people don’t want us to be together plus she had a boyfriend. Yes, I knew it wasn’t right but it felt so good. I couldn’t resist. True enough, we broke up. My life went tumbling down and I ended up with nothing… nothing but a broken heart and a pair of damaged lungs.
Up to now, I still smoke. And when I do, I reminisce. I look at everything that has come and gone like the smoke that comes in and out of my lungs. I learned that all good things have to end but what’s important is that we breathe best out of it. We may love it as much as we hate it but nevertheless, we desire it as if it was everything. That’s life. At least now I know that what the label meant when it said: Cigarettes smoking is dangerous to your health.
I am a smoker. I started smoking when I was 13. Back then cigarettes tasted bitter but the idea of breathing tobacco in and out of your lungs is electrifying. Those were the days of innocence where life is perfect and love is forever. Then it hit me. I was rushed to the hospital due to my smoking habit. I sweared on my hospital bed that I wouldn’t smoke again.
But promises are made to be broken. When I entered college, almost everyone smoked, so I did. At that time, tobacco tasted like paper – empty and unappealing. So were my first subjects – math, social studies and religion. It was so easy, I never studied nor reviewed. Instead, I indulged myself to travel parties and occasional drunkenness. Life was perfect and the taste was addicting. Soon, my vices led me to different brands of expensive cigarettes – DJ Mix, West, West Ice and my favorite, Gudang Garam.
As I squandered my allowance, I met my first love. She had intoxicating looks, engaging features and addicting properties. We often spend time traveling, drinking and whispering sweet nothings. We were soul-mates and it was as if our love would live forever. Cigarettes tasted like sugar and I was totally hooked. My cravings became worse and worse. I started failing subjects. I knew I had to withdraw. And so I did. I broke up with her. I stopped smoking.
But my withdrawal was short-lived. I missed her so much that I started to smoke again. I couldn’t help it. By then, I started smoking Gudang Garam in excess amounts. The taste was sweet but strong. The smell was distinct and ambiguous – a few friends like it, most of them don’t.
It was too addicting and I began to dig deeper into addiction. I went on a depressive state and at my lowest, I met my 2nd love. She was irresistible. Like me she had an insatiable appetite for romance and intimacy. I knew our relationship wouldn’t go for long. Some people don’t want us to be together plus she had a boyfriend. Yes, I knew it wasn’t right but it felt so good. I couldn’t resist. True enough, we broke up. My life went tumbling down and I ended up with nothing… nothing but a broken heart and a pair of damaged lungs.
Up to now, I still smoke. And when I do, I reminisce. I look at everything that has come and gone like the smoke that comes in and out of my lungs. I learned that all good things have to end but what’s important is that we breathe best out of it. We may love it as much as we hate it but nevertheless, we desire it as if it was everything. That’s life. At least now I know that what the label meant when it said: Cigarettes smoking is dangerous to your health.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Avoiding Writer's Block (by Chris Siena)
We write when we are happy. We write when we are sad. But most often, we write when we just feel like writing. The “call” doesn’t follow a schedule. And, more often than not, when we have just started heeding the call of writing, we end up having a mental block hitting a stone wall not knowing how to finish the words or the sentences we’ve just started. I know that we can all relate to it. It’s normal and, yes, it’s also annoying! That’s why I decided to write my thoughts on how we can avoid writer’s block.
I am not a professional writer nor consider myself as someone gifted with words, but my lack thereof is compensated with my ability to observe and understand patterns of mental processes. In my observation, our inability to find the right words is caused by the impulse of “finding the write words immediately,” thinking that we cannot edit your work later when we reach our last sentences.
Think about it. We often act as policemen censoring our words and thus censoring our creative juices. This is expected because we don’t want to use vague words to describe our complex thoughts or feelings (we are not giving justice to it that way) nor do we want our sentences to be overwhelmed with incorrect grammar and punctuations. Moreover, we might write something that is although true may yet be politically incorrect.
Even so, these thoughts of immediately censoring our words are unfounded. For one thing, when we write we have the liberty of time. We can cut, paste and edit our work in the end. We don’t need perfection in our first few sentences. We can think of that later. Stopping our thoughts may seem wrong but it also stops our creative thought processes which in turn develop in to a mental block.
Once we stop “stopping our thought processes” should be able to think freely and thus creatively. In psychology (if I’m not mistaken), creative thought is brought about by the “flow of consciousness.” It is when we think consciously and at the same time unravel our unconscious thoughts making it conscious and thus transmissible in writing.
Only when we free our minds and stop censoring ourselves will be able to avoid mental block. We don’t have to make it perfect in our first few sentences. Only when we’ve accomplished our thoughts and conclusion should we edit and censor ourselves. And here is the rest of it.
I am not a professional writer nor consider myself as someone gifted with words, but my lack thereof is compensated with my ability to observe and understand patterns of mental processes. In my observation, our inability to find the right words is caused by the impulse of “finding the write words immediately,” thinking that we cannot edit your work later when we reach our last sentences.
Think about it. We often act as policemen censoring our words and thus censoring our creative juices. This is expected because we don’t want to use vague words to describe our complex thoughts or feelings (we are not giving justice to it that way) nor do we want our sentences to be overwhelmed with incorrect grammar and punctuations. Moreover, we might write something that is although true may yet be politically incorrect.
Even so, these thoughts of immediately censoring our words are unfounded. For one thing, when we write we have the liberty of time. We can cut, paste and edit our work in the end. We don’t need perfection in our first few sentences. We can think of that later. Stopping our thoughts may seem wrong but it also stops our creative thought processes which in turn develop in to a mental block.
Once we stop “stopping our thought processes” should be able to think freely and thus creatively. In psychology (if I’m not mistaken), creative thought is brought about by the “flow of consciousness.” It is when we think consciously and at the same time unravel our unconscious thoughts making it conscious and thus transmissible in writing.
Only when we free our minds and stop censoring ourselves will be able to avoid mental block. We don’t have to make it perfect in our first few sentences. Only when we’ve accomplished our thoughts and conclusion should we edit and censor ourselves. And here is the rest of it.
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