THE ROAST

THE ROAST

By: Sheila dela Cruz

What can you say about a man who is admired, revered, and loved by everyone? I can start by saying he’s not the subject of my roasting tonight.

In the reality show, “Last Comic Standing”, they said that “You only roast the ones you love”. But in this case, the opposite is true. I'm particularly happy to be delivering this speech because I can now say in public all the things I've been saying behind his back.

It’s payback time, and the object of my wrath is none other than Enrique Salvador Eleazar San Agustin otherwise known as (to the audience) — SAY IT WITH ME-- Boom tarat tarat Boom tarat tarat = tararat tararat BOOM BOOM BOOM!

I distinctly remember the first time Boom attended a Butter N Toast meeting. It was so hot out, and yet, he was in a suit! Probably because he wanted to seem respectable.

On hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have accepted his application for membership. Because now, we’d really prefer someone else to represent our club in contests. We have a reputation and image to protect, you know!

But what can we do?! He’s always volunteering! But credit to Boom -- he’s won a number of awards for evaluation, impromptu and prepared speech. He just loves joining speech contests because he loves to TALK! Besides where else could he find a captive audience who he doesn’t have to pay to listen to him?!

Boom has again ventured into another career, and it seems he’s finally found the career for him! Thank GOD! And it’s about time, what are you, 45?! Late bloomer? No, more like a LATE BOOMER.

Boom’s new career is as a TV talk show host! Boom was born to be in front of an audience. After Boom talks, his audience is in awe! And probably wondering, “what the heck was he just talking about?!” In fact, Boom is the only person I know who can talk for hours about a subject he knows virtually nothing about. We can credit that to his research skills, which all boils down to typing “Google”.

Anyone here know what a “salaguklok” is? It’s an amulet, and legend has it that anyone who has this amulet will not drown, and will never feel full. A lot of Toasties believe that Boom has a “salaguklok”.

We enjoy having Boom with us on our food trips, not because we enjoy his company, but because we hate for good food to go to waste. When Boom is around, not a morsel of food is wasted. It’s as if we have our very own food disposal system.

Though Boom comes off as a respectable person, he can also be petty at times. Now I don’t want to say he’s immature, but what else can you call a grown man who loves to read graphic novels, is a big fan of the Green Lantern, AND calls a 10-year old boy, my son, his archenemy?! TEN! Which also happens to be Boom’s mental age.

Before I end let me just say that being roasted is an honor. When choosing the butt of your roast, pick BIG targets. And Boom is a big target!

I know that Boom is a big enough man to accept my roasting, and who can laugh these off. So Boom, you’re doing well with your TV career, and we hope that no matter how far you go, no matter what heights you reach, you will not forget your friends here at Butter N Toast. We will always be here to support you. You are the image of a true TOASTIE.

Boom’s the Man! He’s an Entrepreneur, Writer, Talk Show Host, good friend and family man, all rolled into one. So in honor of our friend, I’d like you to chant this with me—Boom’s the man, the man… Boom’s the man, the man == tararat tararat BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!

Good evening!